Category: Al-Anon

Loving an addict is hard — for a lot of reasons. 

Drug addiction can erode trust, communication, and self-worth, inflicting emotional hardship on all involved. However, dealing with an addicted loved one can be especially difficult in romantic relationships when both parties live together and whose lives are deeply interwoven. 

Not only does the spouse of an addicted person have to grapple with their own emotions as they witness their partner intentionally harm themselves, but they must also deal with the financial burden of addiction as well. 

That’s why getting help for your partner isn’t just a matter of saving their lives but also looking out for your own well-being. Doing so is easier said than done, however. Here’s how to help an addicted spouse and support their recovery journey. 

What to Do to Help an Addicted Spouse

Educate yourself

The first step when seeking treatment for your spouse is to learn what treatment entails, from the treatment options available to how they work. Many facilities specialize in a certain approach (e.g., holistic, family-oriented, luxury), so there are many different options from which to choose. 

It’s also important to know the different levels of care. There’s detox, intensive inpatient (which is also referred to as residential treatment), partial hospitalization (PHP), and outpatient treatment. Each has a unique treatment structure, which will ultimately determine the time commitment and cost. 

Further, each program has its strengths; some are more flexible while others offer rigid structure, others provide an immersive recovery experience, whereas another makes it easy to make treatment a part of their existing routine. 

Knowing these details will be extremely helpful in the next step: choosing treatment facilities. 

Research treatment facilities

There are over 17,000 addiction treatment facilities in the United States (your city alone might have dozens of options to choose from), so it’s a good idea to have several options available before broaching the subject of going to rehab with your spouse. 

One reason this preparation is handy is that it’ll give you the opportunity to look for amenities, programs, or other perks that can make the idea of going to rehab more appealing. There are facilities centered around music, others around adventure and the outdoors, and others still specializing in animals. (We could go on and on.)

However, the main benefit of having multiple facility options is that if they agree to go to rehab, you won’t lose momentum by waiting the days, weeks, or months it can take to find a suitable program. 

Get advice about how to approach them

Talking about addiction can be a touchy subject, no matter how close or loving your relationship. Maximize your odds of success by getting advice on how to broach the topic. The key is to seek advice from a reliable source who can help you have a productive conversation with your spouse. 

One source can be your prospective addiction treatment center. They’re experts in working with people who aren’t always receptive to accepting help. It’s highly likely that their admissions team can provide professional guidance. 

Another great resource is Al-Anon, a support group for those whose loved ones have a substance abuse disorder. There, you hear stories of others who initiated similar conversations and get pointers and other feedback so you can anticipate what type of resistance you might face. Find an Al-Anon meeting group near you today.

Speak with compassion

Once you’re ready to initiate the conversation, go into it with a mindset of compassion rather than confrontation. If you’re feeling upset or angry, hold off and have this talk another time. It’s too important a subject to risk lashing out because of your temper and potentially pushing them away. 

Avoid using language that places blame (e.g., using sentences that begin with the word “you”) or involves negative labels like ‘junkie’ or ‘addict.’ Doing so will likely be counterproductive and only serve to make them defensive and resistant to your words.

Can I force my spouse to go to rehab?

If the situation is truly dire and you’ve exhausted all other options in trying to help your addicted spouse, there might be an option that can get your loved one into rehab despite their objections. It’s a process called civil commitment and can result in court-mandated addiction treatment. 

The process first starts with an evaluation by a mental health professional. If your spouse is deemed to be a danger to others and themselves, a petition can then be submitted to the court. A hearing will then be held where a judge will determine whether involuntary enrollment in a treatment facility is the best course of action.

Alcoholism doesn’t just affect the individual struggling with addiction; it has a ripple effect on their family and loved ones. If you constantly worry about an alcoholic loved one and it’s taking a toll on your well-being, Al-Anon could be the support system you need. Here’s how to know if Al-Anon is right for you.

1. You’re Feeling Isolated and Alone

If you find yourself avoiding social gatherings or hesitating to talk openly about your situation, you may be isolating yourself. This self-imposed isolation can lead to feelings of loneliness and depression. Al-Anon provides a safe, confidential environment where you can share your experiences and feelings without judgment, helping you break the cycle of isolation.

2. You’re Struggling to Set Boundaries

It’s easy to become so entangled in your loved one’s addiction that you lose sight of your needs and boundaries. You might constantly worry, make sacrifices, or even ignore your well-being. Al-Anon teaches you how to establish and maintain healthier emotional and physical boundaries, allowing you to take better care of yourself.

3. You May Be Enhancing Enabling Behavior Patterns

With the best intentions at heart, you might find yourself covering for your loved one, taking over their responsibilities, or providing financial support. While these actions may seem helpful, they often perpetuate the addiction. Al-Anon helps you recognize these enabling behaviors and provides tools to change them.

4. You’re Experiencing Emotional Turmoil

Living with an alcoholic can be an emotional rollercoaster. You might feel various emotions, from anger and resentment to guilt and shame. Society often stigmatizes these feelings, making you feel like you shouldn’t express them. Al-Anon offers a space where your emotions are validated, and you can learn healthier ways to cope with them.

5. You’re Overwhelmed by Caregiver Fatigue

If you’re constantly caring for an alcoholic loved one to the point where it’s affecting your own health and well-being, you might be experiencing caregiver fatigue. Al-Anon can help you understand the importance of self-care and provide strategies to manage your responsibilities without sacrificing your own needs.

6. You’re Experiencing a Loss of Personal Identity

If your life revolves entirely around your loved one’s addiction to the point where you’ve lost sight of your interests, hobbies, and goals, it’s a sign you might benefit from Al-Anon. The program can help you regain a sense of self and remind you that your life is meaningful, too.

7. You Have Strained Relationships with Other Family Members

Addiction often causes tension and conflict within families. If you find that your relationship with other family members is suffering because of disagreements about how to handle the addicted loved one, Al-Anon can provide a forum for the family to come together and learn constructive ways to address the issue.

8. You’re Feeling Trapped or Hopeless

If you’ve reached a point where you feel there’s no way out of your current situation, it’s a strong indicator that you could benefit from external support. Al-Anon can give you the hope and tools you need to improve your life.

9. You’re Experiencing Financial Strain

Supporting an alcoholic loved one can often lead to financial difficulties. The financial burden can be overwhelming, whether paying for their rehab, covering their share of the bills, or even bailing them out of legal trouble. Al-Anon can offer insights into how to handle financial issues without enabling addiction.

10. You Keep Minimizing the Problem

At last, if you find yourself downplaying the severity of your loved one’s addiction or its impact on your life, you might be in denial. This coping mechanism can be harmful in the long run, as it prevents you from taking necessary actions to improve your situation. Al-Anon can help you confront the reality of your circumstances, offering a clearer perspective and actionable steps to take.

Taking the First Step Toward Support and Healing

Recognizing that you need help is the first and often the most challenging step. If you’ve identified with any of the above signs, it may be time to consider joining Al-Anon. 

How to Get Started:

• Find a Meeting: Use the Al-Anon website or app to locate meetings in your area or online.
• Reach Out: Don’t hesitate to contact the group beforehand if you have questions or concerns.
• Attend a Meeting: Take the plunge and go to a meeting. You don’t have to speak if you’re uncomfortable; you’re welcome to listen.
• Consider a Sponsor: Once you’re more familiar with the group, you might consider getting a sponsor—a member who can offer additional guidance and support.

Only let another day go by if you seek the help you deserve. Reach to your nearest Al-Anon group and take the first step toward a healthier, happier life. 

When a loved one struggles with substance abuse, you may feel like you can do nothing but watch. And even if you are involved with their recovery, knowing how to help without feeling overwhelmed can be challenging.

But you don’t have to go through this alone. Fortunately, support groups exist for this very reason: to guide you and provide coping mechanisms to help you through this difficult situation. 

What is a Support Group for Families of Addicts?

Support groups for families of addicts are groups of people who come together to share their experiences, strength, and hope with each other in a supportive and non-judgmental environment. Usually, these groups are made up of family members and loved ones affected by someone else’s addiction, whether it’s a spouse, parent, child, or another family member.

These support groups aim to help family members cope with the challenges of living with an addicted loved one. They provide a safe space to express their feelings, fears, and concerns without fear of being judged or misunderstood. 

Support groups for families of addicts can take many forms, such as 12-step programs like Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, and Families Anonymous, or non-12-step programs like SMART Recovery Family & Friends.

Benefits for Family Members

There are several benefits of attending support groups for families of addicts, including:

• Emotional support: One of the main benefits of attending support groups is receiving emotional support from people who understand what you’re going through. Being able to share your feelings with others who have been in similar situations can be incredibly validating and can help you feel less alone.

• Coping strategies: Support groups can provide practical advice and coping strategies for dealing with addiction challenges. Members often share what has worked for them and offer suggestions for managing difficult situations.
• Education: Support groups can provide education about addiction, including the science of addiction, the different types of treatment available, and strategies for helping loved ones recover.
• Confidentiality: Support groups are designed to be a safe and confidential space for members to share their experiences. This allows people to speak freely without fear of judgment or reprisal.
• Hope: Attending support groups can provide a sense of hope and optimism. Seeing others who have been through similar situations and come out on the other side can be incredibly inspiring and give you the strength to keep going.

Overall, support groups for families of addicts can be a valuable source of emotional support, practical advice, and hope for those dealing with the challenges of addiction. If you are struggling with the effects of a loved one’s addiction, attending a support group can be a positive step toward healing and recovery.

How to Find a Support Group for Families of Addicts?

If you’re looking for a support group for families of addicts, several options are available.

Online Support Groups

Online support groups can be a convenient option for those who may not have access to in-person meetings or prefer an online group’s anonymity. Some popular online support groups for families of addicts include:

• Herren Project: A free online community led by licensed clinicians for family members and loved ones affected by drug or alcohol addiction. 
• Allies in Recovery: This online community provides tools and resources to help family members of addicts navigate the recovery process.
• SMART Recovery Family & Friends: This online support group uses a non-12-step approach to addiction recovery and offers resources and support for family members.

In-Person Support Groups

In-person support groups can be a great way to connect with others face-to-face and build a local support network. Here are some ways to find in-person support groups for families of addicts:

• Check with local hospitals or treatment centers: Many hospitals and treatment centers offer support groups for families of addicts.
• Check with local community centers or churches: Some community centers or churches may host support groups for families of addicts.
• Attend a 12-step program meeting: Programs like Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, and Families Anonymous offer support groups for families of addicts that follow a 12-step approach.

Support Groups for Specific Addictions

If you’re looking for a support group that focuses on a specific addiction, there are several options available. Here are some examples:

• Al-Anon: This is a 12-step program for family members of alcoholics.
• Nar-Anon: This is a 12-step program for family members of drug addicts.
• Co-Dependents Anonymous: This is a 12-step program for people who are in relationships with addicts or who have a history of codependency.

Overall, there are many resources available for families of addicts who are seeking support. Whether you prefer online or in-person meetings, there is a support group out there that can help you navigate the challenges of addiction and recovery.

Tips for Participating in a Support Group

Attending a support group can be a valuable source of support and healing for families of addicts. Here are some tips for finding and participating in a support group:

• Research different options: Take some time to research different support groups in your area or online. Look for groups that align with your needs and values, and read reviews or testimonials from other members.
• Attend a few meetings: Before committing to a support group, attend a few meetings to understand the group’s dynamics and whether it’s a good fit for you.
• Be open-minded: It’s essential to approach support groups with an open mind and a willingness to learn and grow. Be open to different perspectives and approaches to recovery.
• Participate actively: Participating in support group meetings can help you get the most out of the experience. Share your experiences, listen to others, and offer support and encouragement to fellow members.
• Respect confidentiality: Confidentiality is a cornerstone of support groups, and it’s essential to respect the privacy of fellow members. Avoid sharing personal information outside the group, and refrain from gossip or judgment.
• Practice self-care: Attending a support group can be emotionally taxing, so self-care is important before and after meetings. Take care of yourself by getting enough rest, eating well, and engaging in activities that bring you joy.
• Seek additional support if needed: While support groups can be valuable, they may not be enough to meet all of your needs. Don’t hesitate to seek additional support from a therapist, counselor, or other professional if you need more help.

The Importance of Seeking Support

Unfortunately, research suggests that only a minority of families of addicts attend support groups, despite their potential benefits for emotional support, coping strategies, and family functioning. A study found that 29.3% of family members of individuals with addiction had attended a support group in the past year. A survey found that only 23% of individuals seeking substance use disorder treatment had family members participating in a support group. 

 If you’re looking for a support group, consider checking with local hospitals or treatment centers, community centers or churches, or 12-step programs like Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, or Families Anonymous. You can also search for online support groups through organizations like SMART Recovery Family & Friends. Or reach out to a rehab center near you for support and guidance. 

Alcohol use disorder (AUD) is a complex disease that affects not only the person addicted to alcohol but also their loved ones. In the case of siblings, especially those with a close relationship, it can be tough to deal with seeing a loved one harm themselves by consuming excessive amounts of alcohol.

When you’re living with an addict, you might struggle to find the best way to help them. Follow these nine tips if your sibling is struggling with AUD. They will help you create a safe environment where recovery can flourish, establish clear personal boundaries with your alcoholic sibling, and take care of yourself throughout the process.

1. Express Your Concerns

Expressing that you’re concerned for your sibling is the first step to reaching out and being part of their recovery. However, the first conversation about their AUD can undoubtedly be intimidating. It’s important to be prepared to avoid emotions getting in the way and possibly hindering the path of the conversation. 

Some things to consider when expressing your concerns include:

• Focus on your personal concerns and how you’ve noticed they’ve been drinking more lately
• Express how you worry about their health
• Avoid calling them “alcoholics,” “addicts,” or any other word that may make them feel personally attacked
• Offer paths for recovery rather than make demands
• Ask how you can help or be supportive throughout this process

2. Listen and Be Supportive

Listening attentively and being supportive of their feelings is one of the best ways to better understand their situation and what led to their AUD. Love and empathy should be the primary feelings they should get from your expressions of concern.

To transmit these feelings when you have conversations about their AUD, try the following:

• Don’t interrupt when they speak, and listen carefully.
• Explore their feelings about their alcohol use.
• Avoid making judgments about their character.
• Try to understand how they feel and imagine being in their shoes.
• Listen to their feelings rather than trying to rationalize their addiction. 

3. Avoid Blame and Criticism

It’s essential not to make them feel like they’re failing or should be ashamed of their behavior. Making them feel judged and criticized for their AUD will isolate them and compound the shame they may feel if they want to stop and suffer relapses.

At the same time, you want to avoid calling them names – drunk, alcoholic, topper, boozer, etc. This will only alienate them even further from you. Keep the conversation around their drinking habits, alcohol use disorder, or alcoholism. By doing this, you continue to put pressure on the disease itself rather than the person.

Remember, an alcohol use disorder does not define your sibling.  

4. Establish Boundaries

Boundaries are the limits we establish about our comfort levels around others. They may be about physical touch, verbal interactions, personal values, and all other aspects of interpersonal relationships.

Many people struggling with AUD will behave in ways that step on the boundaries of their loved ones. Establishing boundaries means clearly expressing which behaviors you find unacceptable and will not tolerate and how you’ll react if they step on them.

These are some examples of healthy boundaries:

• Not giving them money or other financial resources.
• Not spending time with them when they’re drinking.
• Not covering for them if they get in trouble at work, school, loved ones, or friends.
• Not paying for their legal fees if they get arrested.
• Not allowing them to stay in the house if they’re still drinking.

5. Have a Plan for Enforcing Boundaries

The issue with boundaries around family members is that they’re challenging to enforce. After coming up with the boundaries you feel necessary to protect yourself, devise a plan to enforce them.

Here are some tips to help you stay focused on your boundaries:

• Verbally repeating the boundary they violated.
• Being consistent with your boundaries. Everyone should be clear about the boundaries you’re setting.
• Explaining the consequences of violating boundaries and acting on those consequences. 

6. Attend Al-Anon Meetings

Al-Anon is a non-profit organization founded in 1951 to support people who have suffered the effects of someone else’s AUD. It welcomes parents, children, siblings, spouses, and anyone whose life’s been impacted by a loved one’s alcohol abuse.

It works very similarly to Alcoholics Anonymous. However, in this case, family members and loved ones share their experiences, what has helped, and their concerns. Al-Anon can help family members feel seen, less ashamed, and supported by others in similar situations.

7. Seek Professional Help

Regardless of the severity of your sibling’s case, treatment for AUD is very beneficial. You may want to start by encouraging your sibling to visit a primary care doctor to evaluate their drinking pattern and create a potential treatment plan.

You may also consider seeking professional help to stage an intervention. In reality, interventions are not like what we see in movies. A professional therapist or addiction specialist can help you and your family come up with the right intervention method and a plan to talk to your sibling about their drinking habits. 

While not all interventions end positively, they’re at least a way to show your loved one you are worried and trying to help. Whether or not they’re ready for treatment does not fall on you. Be patient. 

8. Be Supportive During Treatment

If your sibling decides to enter treatment, your involvement could mean a lot to them and support their recovery. Family and friends’ support can encourage treatment participation, prevent relapse, and offer a greater chance of long-lasting recovery. 

Ask an addiction specialist about how you can best participate in your sibling’s recovery. Some ways you can be supportive and participate in their recovery include:

• Not drinking around them.
• Attending family counseling sessions.
• Driving them to work and AA meetings.
• Participating in sober activities with them.
• Checking in with them over the phone when possible. 

9. Take Care of Yourself

While your focus might be on your sibling, it’s also important to care about your own mental well-being. If you don’t focus on self-care, you may not have the mental capacity to deal with your loved one’s addiction. 

Many people may struggle with depression when dealing with an alcoholic sibling. Focusing on your self-care can help you maintain a positive state of mind. 

Examples of self-care include:

• Attending Al-Anon meetings for additional support.
• Meditating or exercising to deal with stress. 
• Spending time outdoors to recharge your batteries.
• Talking to friends and family about how you’re feeling.
• Consulting with a therapist about your situation. 

You Can Help Your Sibling (and Yourself) 

Helping a sibling recover from AUD can be mentally stressful. However, siblings can be in a unique position to be influential in the other’s recovery. By calmly voicing your concerns about their health and encouraging them to seek treatment, you can play a vital role in their journey to sobriety.

Nonetheless, as you focus on helping your sibling, you also want to look out for yourself. Seeking mental health support for yourself is also important, whether through individual counseling or support groups like Al-Anon. You need to be in a healthy mental state if you plan to be a part of your sibling’s treatment for alcohol addiction.

Al-Anon is a support group for friends and family members of individuals who struggle with alcohol addiction. The meetings provide a safe and confidential space for individuals to share their experiences, strength, and hope with others who understand what they are going through. 

A Breakdown of Al-Anon Meeting Topics

Addiction is an all-encompassing disease, so naturally, there’s a very broad list of potential topics for discussion, ranging from managing family relationships to finding humor during hard times. Al-Anon meeting topics tend to fall under the following categories:

Understanding the nature of alcoholism

Members learn about the physical, emotional, and psychological effects of alcohol addiction and how it can impact relationships, finances, and overall well-being. This insight helps for better understanding and empathy with the loved one struggling with a drinking problem.

Coping with the impact of alcoholism 

Providing support and guidance for the emotional pain, stress, and confusion that often accompanies loving someone who struggles with alcohol addiction is one of the main goals of the organization. Members learn how to take care of themselves, set healthy boundaries, and manage their emotions. They learn about the importance of self-care and self-compassion for the sake of themselves and the addicted person they want to support.

Finding hope and healing

Alcoholism hurts everyone around the drinker and can leave loved ones with feelings of anger, guilt, or hopelessness. Some topics offer messages of hope and healing for members who may have felt helpless and alone in their struggles. They learn that they are not alone in their experience and that there is a way forward. 

Building healthy relationships

Al-Anon members will be encouraged to explore how alcoholism has affected their relationships and how they can build healthier ones in the future. They learn how to maintain healthy relationships with the person struggling with addiction without enabling them. 

Taking responsibility 

Although Al-Anon members are not responsible for the alcohol addiction of their loved ones, they can take accountability for their own actions and reactions. This means taking ownership over their behaviors that may have been enabling or triggering to their addicted loved one; or a guilt trip that can leave a person feeling more isolated than inspired to change.

Letting go and Living in the present

Al-Anon members learn that they cannot control the behavior of the person struggling with addiction, but they can control how they respond to it. They learn how to let go of the need to control and accept the things they cannot change. Al-Anon members learn to focus on the present moment and to let go of the past and the future. They learn how to live in the present and enjoy life despite the challenges that come with living with someone who struggles with addiction.

Spirituality

Al-Anon isn’t a religious organization but many members find that their spiritual beliefs can be a source of strength and support during the recovery process. Meetings may include discussions of spirituality and how it can be incorporated into recovery.

Types of Al-Anon Meetings

The topic discussed as an Al-Anon meeting is largely shaped by the type of meeting that’s being held. There are twelve different formats that meetings may rotate between. Meeting formats will also change how the discussions are conducted, and who’s allowed to attend. 

Step Study – Study of the classic Twelve Steps. Typically covered once a month. Closely related are the Concepts and Principles meetings. 

Traditions Study – The group studies one or more of the Al-Anon or Alateen Traditions, keeping in mind their value in maintaining the unity and growth of worldwide Al-Anon as well as of the group itself. Applying them to family relationships may offer new insight.

Slogans Study – Al-Anon involves many slogans. Members are invited to explain how they apply a particular one in their lives or how the slogan could be used to solve a specific problem.

Personal Stories – One or more members are asked in advance to speak at the meeting and tell how the Al-Anon program helped them find a new way of life.

Topic Discussion – The chairperson or leader presents a topic to help members share the principles of the program and discuss the subject as it applies to them.

Panel Discussion – Members are invited to write anonymous questions which are answered by the group or the chairperson.

Exchange Meeting – An individual or team of speakers from another Al-Anon/Alateen group may exchange speakers.

Open Meeting – Non-Al-Anon members may attend. This includes friends, A.A. members, students, and professionals are welcome.

Outside Speakers Meeting – May include A.A. members, a husband, wife, and child team, members of the clergy, doctors, social workers, or other professionals in the field of alcoholism.

Beginners Meeting – An introductory meeting may be held 30 to 45 minutes before the regular meeting to acquaint newcomers with the Al-Anon program

Group Inventory Meeting

These are some of the main topics that may be covered in Al-Anon meetings, but the focus may vary depending on the specific meeting and the needs of the group. The meetings provide a supportive, non-judgmental space for individuals to share their experiences, gain insight, and find hope and healing.

Ready to get started? Check out our directory to find in-person and virtual Al-Anon meetings near you.

Everyone loves a good compliment. But can they contribute to our mental health during recovery? Can they motivate us to stay on track? Can they contribute to better physical health? This article will explore these and other questions and provide guidelines for complimenting someone recovering from addiction.

Why Compliments Are Important

Compliments show that words can be compelling. A well-placed and genuine compliment can make others feel good and make them want to be around you. These are some of the most essential benefits of compliments.

They increase confidence

One of the most immediate benefits of compliments is that they make the receiver feel good. Being told they have admirable qualities is a confidence boost that few other interactions provide.

They build trust between the giver and the receiver

Both giving and receiving compliments are vulnerable acts. The giver opens up their inner thoughts and feelings, and the receiver makes themselves vulnerable by allowing a personal comment.

They make us happy

A study found that when people spend money on others, they find it more gratifying than spending it on themselves. We are conditioned to derive happiness from benefiting others. Both the giver and receiver get a happiness boost from compliments.

They contribute to good mental and physical health

Lonely people are less resilient to stress and more often suffer from inflammatory disorders like obesity, high blood pressure, and others. By making people happier and improving trust, compliments actually make us healthier.

Compliments For Addiction Recovery

There are multiple compliments you can give someone recovering from addiction. Regardless of the specific compliment you give them, the most crucial consideration to make is that the compliments are authentic, genuine, and relevant to their recovery efforts.

Here are some examples:

• I’m proud of the effort you’re putting in
• You’re strong for making an effort to improve and recover
• You’re on the right path
• You’ve made so much progress
• You’re making progress every day
• Recovery is a process, and you’re making it happen every day
• You’re capable of achieving your goal
• You’ve been very strong a resilient
• You can overcome the challenge of recovery
• I trust your recovery decisions
• You’ve been capable of getting out of your comfort zone for recovery
• I’m proud of your commitment to sobriety
• You’ve come so far in your recovery path
• I can only imagine how hard it’s been, but you look so much happier since your recovery started

When you compliment someone recovering from addiction, emphasize their effort to improve their lives and stay sober. Focus on things they can control, like making positive choices for their lives and recovery.

Finally, remember to emphasize the results they’ve already achieved: how long they’ve been sober, the research they’ve made when they’ve had doubts and how it’s helped them, their consistency in attending therapy or taking their medications, and more.

Your words can significantly contribute to their mental and physical well-being. They can play a major role in helping them stay consistent in their recovery process.

How To Give A Good Compliment?

While there’s no specific guide to give a good compliment, there are some guidelines to consider; here are some of them:

• Don’t underestimate their power. We often overestimate how awkward a compliment may come off and underestimate its positive effect on the receiver. If it’s true and comes from a genuine place, rest assured that they will appreciate it.
• Be specific. Pay attention to the efforts your loved one makes for their recovery and compliment them on it. Generic compliments can be great, but it’s so much more meaningful when you can share the intimacy of appreciating each other for being grateful and observant.
• Give them as frequently as your loved one feels comfortable with. This study suggests that some people have trouble receiving compliments because they have self-esteem issues. If the compliment they receive clashes with their ideas about themselves, they may not be flattered. Since mental illnesses can affect self-esteem, be sure to balance genuine compliments with a frequency your loved one appreciates. Giving too many can backfire, but giving too little may not work either. Find the balance.
• Be sincere. This seems obvious, but we’ve mentioned it before. Still, your compliments should be something you feel deeply about and want to convey to your loved ones. If your loved one is making an honest effort to get better, it won’t be hard to find things to compliment them.

Mental Health Is Just As Important As Physical Health During Recovery

It’s easy to confuse addiction as a purely physical illness. In reality, it’s caused by a very complex combination of genetic and environmental factors. Contributing to your recovering loved one’s mental health is very kind and may encourage them to stay on their path.

Complimenting them sincerely and thoughtfully can be a great way to boost their mental health. Still, you must find a balance in the frequency: too many can be overwhelming, and too few can make them feel underappreciated.

Ultimately, you know them best and are in the best position to know what to say and when. Above all, be observant, patient, and compassionate.

While both Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon are based on the 12-step recovery model and share many other similarities, the 12 principles of Al-Anon are different from the 12 principles of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). 

Alcoholics Anonymous principles are designed to help individuals struggling with alcohol addiction find recovery and healing. These principles outline the steps that individuals can take to address their addiction, including admitting powerlessness over alcohol, seeking help and guidance from a higher power, and making amends to those they have harmed.

The 12 Principles of Al-Anon, on the other hand, are designed to help the loved ones of alcoholics find peace and healing in the face of their loved one’s addiction. They also provide a framework for addressing the negative patterns and behaviors that often arise in relationships with alcoholics, and offer guidance on how to find support and strength in the face of these challenges.

What are the 12 Principles of Al-Anon and what do they mean?

Al-Anon and AA technically have identical principles that serve as the foundation of each respective organization. However, the key difference between them is how they are applied and put into practice for Al-Anon members.

For example, the principle of admitting powerlessness over the alcoholic’s behavior helps loved ones recognize that they cannot control or change the alcoholic’s actions and that their attempts to do so have likely only caused more pain and turmoil. By surrendering control and seeking support from a higher power or community, loved ones can begin to find peace and healing in their own lives and let go of the guilt or anger they may feel toward themselves or their loved ones.

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable. 

Acknowledging that loved ones cannot control or change the alcoholic’s behavior and that attempts to do so have only caused chaos and distress in their lives.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 

In recognition that ultimately, the individual with the drinking problem is responsible for their actions (as well as changing them), friends and family members of this person relinquish both control and the idea that they as an individual can “fix” the alcoholic in their life. 

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. 

The first and second principles mentally prepare us to surrender control. The third principle puts it into action and encourages Al-Anon members to trust a higher power to guide their loved one’s sobriety, as well as manage their own emotions.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. 

Loved ones must take an honest look at their own behavior and attitudes, and acknowledge any negative patterns that may be contributing to the alcoholic’s behavior. By being willing to change and grow, loved ones can create positive change in their own lives and in their relationships with the alcoholic.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. 

A loved one in Al-Anon may be an enabler racked with guilt, or perhaps in their frustration over the situation, take out their anger on an innocent family member. There are countless circumstances where even the loved ones of alcoholics may find themselves with wrongs they need to right. Confessing and owning up to those mistakes establishes accountability from others and will lead to changes in behavior.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. 

Similar to that of the alcoholic in AA, the loved one in Al-Anon must be willing to let go of negative or harmful patterns and behaviors. Since they already admitted to a lack of control over the situation, they must then turn to a higher power to have them removed.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. 

This means recognizing that we cannot change or heal ourselves. Whatever this “higher power” is to the individual, this step is when we look to it with an earnest intention to be a better person.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. 

The principle of making amends to those we have harmed helps loved ones repair relationships and address any harm they may have caused to others. By taking responsibility for their actions and seeking to make things right, loved ones can find healing and reconciliation in their relationships.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. 

This means taking action to make amends and repair relationships while also considering the well-being of others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. 

Being a supportive partner isn’t something that just happens overnight. Just as a person in recovery will have setbacks, so too can the supporting family members or friends. Ongoing self-reflection and willingness to correct those mistakes will maintain an atmosphere of forgiveness and encouragement.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. 

The 11th principle highlights the importance of having the right mindset as you near the end of the program. Seeking a deeper connection with a higher power (and maintaining that desire for a deeper connection) will keep one mindful of their ultimate goal.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. 

Once a person has gone through all 12 principles of Al-Anon, the idea is to share the experience with other family and friends of those with Alcoholics and apply the principles of Al-Anon to all areas of our lives.

These principles focus on helping loved ones recognize their own powerlessness over their alcoholic’s behavior, seek support and guidance from a higher power, and take steps to change and grow in their own lives. Learn more and find an Al-Anon meeting near you today.