Alcohol use disorder (AUD) is a complex disease that affects not only the person addicted to alcohol but also their loved ones. In the case of siblings, especially those with a close relationship, it can be tough to deal with seeing a loved one harm themselves by consuming excessive amounts of alcohol.
When you’re living with an addict, you might struggle to find the best way to help them. Follow these nine tips if your sibling is struggling with AUD. They will help you create a safe environment where recovery can flourish, establish clear personal boundaries with your alcoholic sibling, and take care of yourself throughout the process.
1. Express Your Concerns
Expressing that you’re concerned for your sibling is the first step to reaching out and being part of their recovery. However, the first conversation about their AUD can undoubtedly be intimidating. It’s important to be prepared to avoid emotions getting in the way and possibly hindering the path of the conversation.
Some things to consider when expressing your concerns include:
- Focus on your personal concerns and how you’ve noticed they’ve been drinking more lately
- Express how you worry about their health
- Avoid calling them “alcoholics,” “addicts,” or any other word that may make them feel personally attacked
- Offer paths for recovery rather than make demands
- Ask how you can help or be supportive throughout this process
2. Listen and Be Supportive
Listening attentively and being supportive of their feelings is one of the best ways to better understand their situation and what led to their AUD. Love and empathy should be the primary feelings they should get from your expressions of concern.
To transmit these feelings when you have conversations about their AUD, try the following:
- Don’t interrupt when they speak, and listen carefully.
- Explore their feelings about their alcohol use.
- Avoid making judgments about their character.
- Try to understand how they feel and imagine being in their shoes.
- Listen to their feelings rather than trying to rationalize their addiction.
3. Avoid Blame and Criticism
It’s essential not to make them feel like they’re failing or should be ashamed of their behavior. Making them feel judged and criticized for their AUD will isolate them and compound the shame they may feel if they want to stop and suffer relapses.
At the same time, you want to avoid calling them names – drunk, alcoholic, topper, boozer, etc. This will only alienate them even further from you. Keep the conversation around their drinking habits, alcohol use disorder, or alcoholism. By doing this, you continue to put pressure on the disease itself rather than the person.
Remember, an alcohol use disorder does not define your sibling.
4. Establish Boundaries
Boundaries are the limits we establish about our comfort levels around others. They may be about physical touch, verbal interactions, personal values, and all other aspects of interpersonal relationships.
Many people struggling with AUD will behave in ways that step on the boundaries of their loved ones. Establishing boundaries means clearly expressing which behaviors you find unacceptable and will not tolerate and how you’ll react if they step on them.
These are some examples of healthy boundaries:
- Not giving them money or other financial resources.
- Not spending time with them when they’re drinking.
- Not covering for them if they get in trouble at work, school, loved ones, or friends.
- Not paying for their legal fees if they get arrested.
- Not allowing them to stay in the house if they’re still drinking.
5. Have a Plan for Enforcing Boundaries
The issue with boundaries around family members is that they’re challenging to enforce. After coming up with the boundaries you feel necessary to protect yourself, devise a plan to enforce them.
Here are some tips to help you stay focused on your boundaries:
- Verbally repeating the boundary they violated.
- Being consistent with your boundaries. Everyone should be clear about the boundaries you’re setting.
- Explaining the consequences of violating boundaries and acting on those consequences.
6. Attend Al-Anon Meetings
Al-Anon is a non-profit organization founded in 1951 to support people who have suffered the effects of someone else’s AUD. It welcomes parents, children, siblings, spouses, and anyone whose life’s been impacted by a loved one’s alcohol abuse.
It works very similarly to Alcoholics Anonymous. However, in this case, family members and loved ones share their experiences, what has helped, and their concerns. Al-Anon can help family members feel seen, less ashamed, and supported by others in similar situations.
7. Seek Professional Help
Regardless of the severity of your sibling’s case, treatment for AUD is very beneficial. You may want to start by encouraging your sibling to visit a primary care doctor to evaluate their drinking pattern and create a potential treatment plan.
You may also consider seeking professional help to stage an intervention. In reality, interventions are not like what we see in movies. A professional therapist or addiction specialist can help you and your family come up with the right intervention method and a plan to talk to your sibling about their drinking habits.
While not all interventions end positively, they’re at least a way to show your loved one you are worried and trying to help. Whether or not they’re ready for treatment does not fall on you. Be patient.
8. Be Supportive During Treatment
If your sibling decides to enter treatment, your involvement could mean a lot to them and support their recovery. Family and friends’ support can encourage treatment participation, prevent relapse, and offer a greater chance of long-lasting recovery.
Ask an addiction specialist about how you can best participate in your sibling’s recovery. Some ways you can be supportive and participate in their recovery include:
- Not drinking around them.
- Attending family counseling sessions.
- Driving them to work and AA meetings.
- Participating in sober activities with them.
- Checking in with them over the phone when possible.
9. Take Care of Yourself
While your focus might be on your sibling, it’s also important to care about your own mental well-being. If you don’t focus on self-care, you may not have the mental capacity to deal with your loved one’s addiction.
Many people may struggle with depression when dealing with an alcoholic sibling. Focusing on your self-care can help you maintain a positive state of mind.
Examples of self-care include:
- Attending Al-Anon meetings for additional support.
- Meditating or exercising to deal with stress.
- Spending time outdoors to recharge your batteries.
- Talking to friends and family about how you’re feeling.
- Consulting with a therapist about your situation.
You Can Help Your Sibling (and Yourself)
Helping a sibling recover from AUD can be mentally stressful. However, siblings can be in a unique position to be influential in the other’s recovery. By calmly voicing your concerns about their health and encouraging them to seek treatment, you can play a vital role in their journey to sobriety.
Nonetheless, as you focus on helping your sibling, you also want to look out for yourself. Seeking mental health support for yourself is also important, whether through individual counseling or support groups like Al-Anon. You need to be in a healthy mental state if you plan to be a part of your sibling’s treatment for alcohol addiction.
