Author: Find Recovery Editorial Team

Making change often means going out of your comfort zone. Dealing with something as all-encompassing as addiction likely means that you’ll have to go way, way out of it. Despite knowing this when they attend their first Alcoholics Anonymous (or similar addiction support group) meeting, attendees sometimes balk at the first step: admitting powerlessness. They view it as a great insult and assault on their character while others approach it from the other end of the spectrum, seeing it as an excuse that their “lack of power” justifies that troubling behavior. 

Neither of those beliefs is correct. 

In this article, we’ll explain the definition of powerlessness and why it’s so important in AA’s twelve steps process. Keep reading if you’re looking to get the most out of your Alcoholics Anonymous experience and make breakthroughs in your battle with substance abuse.

What Does Powerlessness Mean?

Step One of Alcoholics Anonymous: “We admit we are powerless over alcohol – that our lives have become unmanageable.”

The concept of powerlessness can seem quite foreign, especially to those from countries like America whose culture idolizes independence and raising one’s self by their bootstraps. But powerlessness is not the same thing as weakness; it isn’t something to be feared or despised. It also is not a lack of agency that implies we are helpless when it comes to choosing between right and wrong. 

Powerlessness is simply a lack of control. It applies both to our inability to abstain from using a substance or engaging in certain behavior as well as limiting its quantity. While the realization might be painful and challenge the idea of who we imagine ourselves to be, it’s impossible to solve a problem without first acknowledging the scope and scale of the issue.

Why Does Admitting Powerlessness Matter?

Admitting this, as Step One of AA urges us to do, requires us to grapple with a fact that might not have been fully accepted as an addicted person: That we do not have control over our substance abuse. Subconsciously, we might feel like our drug use habits are a choice, a matter of us (constantly) giving into temptation or being pushed by some external trigger like a bad day at work or a fight with our significant other. We trick ourselves into thinking it’s not that we can’t stop drinking or using drugs, but just that we don’t want to give it up yet.

This couldn’t be further from the truth. Our body (and brain) inherently seek self-preservation; we recoil from pain, avoid things we view as dangerous and feel good when engaging in activities that are healthy like exercising or eating vegetables. To think that we are of sound mind when we repeatedly engage in habits like drug use that so quickly destroy us from the inside out is nothing short of delusional–a result of drugs having hijacked our thinking. Admitting powerlessness means shattering this false belief.

Further, by accepting that there are things that we cannot control, including our drug use, we open ourselves up to receiving the help of others. Coming to this understanding will make you much more receptive to looking to sources outside yourself for recovery, such as your sponsor, your fellow group members, or your Higher Power. All of which makes you more receptive to learning and healing, which in turn makes it much easier to follow through with the remaining twelve steps of AA.    

No Man Is An Island: The Importance of Accepting Help From Others

So you understand the benefits of Step One and of admitting powerlessness, but the next question then is why is such emphasis placed on being reliant on others to get yourself out of addiction? The philosophy behind this thinking is that your judgment was flawed enough to get yourself into this situation, it’s too flawed to get yourself out of it. 

Let’s put it another way: Imagine you have a friend who’s bankrupt and penniless, but they want to give you financial advice and handle all your money. You probably wouldn’t be too keen to let them, would you? Solely relying on yourself to overcome drug addiction is effectively the same thing. It’s not to say that you’ll never be able to manage yourself and make good decisions in the future, but right now in your current state of mind, you’re not in the best position to make good decisions for yourself.

If you’re struggling with drug or alcohol addiction and are trying to overcome it on your own, give 12 step meetings a chance. Find an AA meeting near you to hear from others in a similar position and receive judgment-free support. 

If you had to guess which gender of Americans drinks more booze, which would you reckon? It’s a surprisingly close match, as men only slightly outpace women (68% compared to 64%, respectively), However, these numbers fail to tell the whole picture of the distinct relationship between women and alcohol, like their drinking habits and frequency, the reason they drink, and as well as the risks they face. Understanding and respecting gender-based differences of substances makes for better addiction treatment as well as more effective preventative measures. Here are five facts about alcohol consumption in women that everyone needs to know:

Women Have a Lower Drinking Threshold

While the ideal amount of alcohol a person should drink would be zero, that’s not realistic. Health organizations know this, which is why they established an official measure of what constitutes a “safe” amount to drink, better known as a moderate drinking level. What defines it is divided by gender. For men, moderate alcohol use is considered to be no more than two drinks a day.  In women, this is limited to one or less. Regardless of how well you claim that you handle your alcohol, this is what experts have determined as the guideline for reducing the risks of alcohol-related issues. The reason for this disparity brings us to point number two…

Women Process Alcohol More Slowly

Women simply cannot process alcohol as efficiently as men. Metabolism is one of the primary factors that affect how much a person can drink and how intoxicated they’ll become.​​ Typically larger and with greater muscle mass, men have the upper hand when it comes to handling alcohol. As such, even when men and women drink identical amounts, women will have higher BAC levels.

Another reason is one of a molecular level. Women naturally tend to produce fewer of the liver-produced enzymes called alcohol dehydrogenase that are responsible for breaking down the alcohol that enters our bodies. This also makes women more susceptible to alcohol addiction. Fewer of these enzymes means extended exposure to alcohol in the brain and greater opportunity for increased alcohol tolerance. 

Women are More Prone to Alcohol-Health Risks

When it comes to both the short- and long-term health consequences of drinking, women are disadvantaged in either respect. Women experience alcohol-related health issues sooner than men do, even when they drink less (talk about unfair). Additionally, these health issues often tend to be more severe than that of their male counterparts. 

Liver Damage

Alcohol-related liver damage is one of the deadliest consequences of alcohol abuse. The liver is responsible for all sorts of vital functions from enabling the body to extract fat, protein, carbohydrates, and vitamins from food to detoxing our entire blood supply (there are over 500 in total). This damage itself can be life-threatening, but can also result in a domino effect that causes other serious health problems. Women are more likely to develop alcoholic hepatitis than men who drink the same amount. 

Heart Damage

Alcohol abuse is one of the primary causes of heart conditions such as heart failure or stroke. Even occasional misuse can quickly result in dangerous increases in blood pressure. Indirectly, alcohol can contribute to increased fat deposits and weight gain, which can add to the danger. Women will once again find themselves facing a higher susceptibility to alcohol-related heart issues than a man who drinks more frequently or heavily. 

Brain Damage 

Sustained alcohol abuse can permanently alter the physical surface of the brain, causing lasting effects on cognition, coordination, mood regulation, impulse control, and more. These detrimental changes happen sooner in women drinkers than in men. Additionally, the extent of these damages are often more pronounced in women. This is evident in the effects of alcohol on women’s hippocampus, where a study found that women were more likely to experience blackouts. Another study that compared the consequences of binge drinking of teenage boys to teenage girls found that the girls showed less brain activity.

Women Have an Increased Risk of Sexual Assault

Sadly, one of the risks that disproportionately affects female drinkers is the increased risk of sexual harassment and assault. Women under the influence are more vulnerable to being attacked as they are physically and cognitively less capable of thwarting a potential assailant. It’s estimated that about half of sexual assault victims say they were drinking alcohol at the time. 

The gender differences in alcohol use show that women are particularly vulnerable to internal and external issues that come from drinking. Attempting to “keep up with the guys” is impossible to do safely and risks significant long-term consequences. 

https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/brochures-and-fact-sheets/women-and-alcohol

https://www.cdc.gov/alcohol/fact-sheets/womens-health.htm

https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2021/06/09/1003980966/women-now-drink-as-much-as-men-and-suffer-health-effects-more-quickly

There are a lot of things that are difficult about having a loved one who’s an alcoholic. One of the most frustrating is bearing witness to their alcohol-fueled descent but having them continuously deny that they have a drinking problem (a common behavior amongst substance abusers of any kind). Since acknowledging that there’s a problem is the essential first step to overcoming it, any potential recovery is likely still a long way off. Fortunately, there are ways that you, the parent, child, sibling, spouse, or friend of an alcoholic, can do more than just stand back and watch. Here are a few practical ways how to help an alcoholic in denial. 

1. Avoid placing blame

One way to significantly increase the odds that you’ll be able to get through to your loved one is by knowing what not to say to an alcoholic. Avoid harsh words that place blame or sound accusatory. They are likely already feeling defensive regarding their drinking habits, and any perceived attack on themselves (regardless of how true or deserved your words may be) will only push them further into their hole of denial.

While this is true for any sort of conflict-resolving communication, avoiding these types of words is especially important when dealing with someone struggling with addiction. Continuous substance abuse literally changes the surface of the brain, impacting how it communicates with the body, itself, and ultimately, the outside world. These changes include decreased logic processing, reduced ability to think in the long term, increased impulsivity, and difficulty regulating emotions (this is why sometimes an addicted individual’s personality may undergo drastic changes. To make a long story short: It can make them difficult to talk to and particularly volatile.

2. Be supportive (without being an enabler)

Despite the tremendous headway made in understanding and treating addiction, the condition is still heavily stigmatized. For these reasons, addicted persons intentionally avoid acknowledging the truth of their condition. They don’t want to feel shame or embarrassment. So rather than confronting an alcoholic in denial (for reasons detailed above), set the stage for them to come to you. 

Create an atmosphere of loving support that lets them know that you would accept them through their addiction and are willing to stick by their side to see them get better. Knowing they have a non judgemental ear to turn to could make them more inclined to let their guard down. Ask them open-ended questions, sympathize (when appropriate), and remind them of the unconditional love of their family and friends. Getting them to talk gives you more opportunities to find items you both agree on or can relate to and opens the door for strengthening feelings of trust and safety. 

There’s a fine line, however, between being supportive and being an enabler. Don’t agree with them blindly in their rationalization or justification of their drinking problem. You would just be adding fuel to the fire and furthering their victim mindset.

3. If all else fails, plan an intervention

Interventions are not to be taken lightly. These are meant to be last-resort efforts to confront someone about their substance abuse and shock them into realizing the extent of the problem as well as how it’s affected those around them. The reason is that if an intervention goes wrong (which is not unlikely), the nature of the confrontation can elicit strong negative emotions from the person. This can cause them to distance themselves from those trying to help them. It’s possible to minimize the odds of a disastrous outcome through careful planning and the involvement of a professional intervention specialist.

When planning an intervention, it’s helpful to first enlist others who have a close relationship with the alcoholic and have been negatively impacted. These can be family members, friends, coworkers, or even community members. This core team will be vital in coordinating the time and place of the intervention, as well as coordinating with other attendees. Next, notify all potential attendees to write down what they want to say in advance and establish a speaking order. This keeps things orderly and organized and lessens the chance that someone may say something hurtful in the heat of the moment. 

Last but not least, it’s critical that any ultimatums or promises made during the intervention are upheld. Failing to follow through signals to the alcoholic that there are no consequences for their drinking and therefore, eliminates the incentive to modify their behavior. The ultimate goal of an intervention is to get them to go to rehab. If they resist, try smaller steps and start with 12 step groups that are free and require no commitment. 

For nearly a century, the 12 steps of AA have served as a foundation for recovering alcoholics. These dozen tenants have guided thousands through stages of admittance, self-awareness, gratitude, and forgiveness. But knowing the 12 steps is only part of the journey towards sobriety. To truly have these nuggets of wisdom be useful (and ultimately, living a sober and happy life) it’s crucial to understand how to work these steps and apply them to your everyday life. This easy and practical list of tips for working the 12 steps of AA will get you through it.

How To: Tips for Working the 12 Steps of AA

1. Be self-motivated. Let’s clear one thing up: No one is going to follow up on you to make sure you’re giving each step its consideration and taking the lessons to heart. Not your sponsor, not chapter leadership, not other members. If you want to get anything out of the 12 steps, you’ll have to hold yourself accountable and really put in the effort. If you’re just going through the motions or doing it for someone else’s sake, you’re wasting your time and cheating yourself of what could be a very enriching experience. 
2. Take your time and go at your own pace. How long it takes to work all 12 steps is completely unique to the individual. The lessons of some steps will come naturally to you. Others may be more challenging and take days, or even weeks, to fully comprehend and put into practice. This is perfectly okay. Rushing through them for the sake of “finishing” benefits no one–especially yourself. There is no deadline as to when a person has to have completed all 12 Steps and most will tell you it’s a lifelong journey that’s never truly done. 
3. Abstaining from alcohol or drugs doesn’t mean you’re recovered. So you haven’t had a drop of alcohol in weeks, months, years. While technically you are sober, the 12 Steps is about much more than abstaining from drugs or alcohol. It’s about acknowledging the personal flaws that have led to this point and learning from them. Reckoning with your past as an addicted person, and using that as your motivation to remain abstinent. Don’t abandon the 12 steps midway through (or even worse, stop attending meetings), or else you risk missing out on the insights to stay sober when times get hard. 
4. Complete the steps in order. Being stuck on a step can be frustrating. If you aren’t making the progress you would like, you may be tempted to move on and proceed to the other steps—the end goal is the same, right? The beauty of the 12 step program is that each step builds upon the other in a very deliberate progression. You might miss out on a valuable perspective required to properly work through those later steps you’re rushing towards. 
5. Don’t be intimidated by religious references. If you’re agnostic, atheist, or uncomfortable openly discussing your faith, or anything in between, this tip is for you. Many individuals in recovery are put off or intimidated by the 12 Steps because of their frequent religious references. Bear in mind that Alcoholics Anonymous started as a Christian organization. It’s to be expected then, that those texts will carry some sort of religious mention. Do not feel that being a Christian–or any religion, is necessary to participate in AA. To better serve modern society, many AA groups have adopted a modified agnostic version of the 12 Steps that omits mentions of God and instead, calls on participants to apply their own spiritual interpretations.
6. Prepare to be uncomfortable at times. There’s no sugar-coating it. The 12 steps push us to look inwards with sometimes brutally honest self-reflection. While many describe the feeling of completing these exercises as being freeing and exhilarating, in the moment, it can be disconcerting having to think about the not-so-great things we said, did, or thought, while under the control of drugs. For this reason it’s also very helpful to keep in mind that the purpose of the 12 steps is not to make you feel bad, penitent, or regretful. Growing as people requires coming to terms with ourselves and coming clean about the good, bad, and ugly of our past. 

Keep these tips in mind as you work through the 12 steps. Whether it’s your first time doing them, or your 100th, remembering these fundamentals will put you in the right frame of mind for getting the most out of these tried-and-true lessons. Find a 12 Step group meeting near you to begin your healing journey today.

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Those who have been through the 12 steps of AA know that sponsors can play a vital role in a recovering alcoholic or addict’s sobriety. Having a sponsor is one of those things people instantly associate with a 12-step recovery program. The role of a sponsor is very helpful, especially for beginners. But, what exactly do AA sponsors do? And is there an alternative figure you can choose instead? Read on to learn about the role of the sponsor and its importance in your recovery journey. 

What is an AA Sponsor?

Sponsorship is a relationship in which one person, the sponsor, helps another person, the sponsee, work a recovery program from alcoholism. It’s also called a “sponsor-sponsee relationship.”

A sponsor is someone who’s been through the problems and frustrations of drinking themselves. They completed the 12 steps and found recovery, sharing what they’ve discovered with others. The goal is to grow together and work as accountable figures in each other’s lives. 

The sponsor’s role is to help the sponsee through the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. This is usually a long-term commitment and can be lifelong if both parties agree. A sponsor isn’t an instructor, adviser, or therapist, but rather a fellow addict who understands what it’s like to be caught in the grip of alcoholism and has risen above it by using the twelve steps. The sponsor has no professional qualifications for this role, meaning if the sponsee fails to take responsibility for themselves, it isn’t the sponsor’s fault. 

The AA Sponsorship Book

A sponsor is an AA member who has been sober for some time and is committed to helping another alcoholic by providing advice and support during their recovery. They are your support system in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (the “Big Book”).

While there isn’t an AA sponsorship book that guides people through the role, sponsors are encouraged to follow the traditions in the Big Book. They can bring their experiences to the table for the sake of saving yours and their sobriety. They can only do that by ensuring they’re helping you while also staying active in their recovery. 

How to Ask Someone to be Your AA Sponsor

Everyone needs different qualities from their sponsor. Some recovering addicts respond well to “tough love,” while others prefer more understanding. When looking for a sponsor, think about these qualities:

• Someone you can relate to
• They have the kind of life you want to achieve in recovery, meaning you look up to them
• They are honest and have integrity
• They’ve been sober and are willing to share their experience with others
• Someone with the time and disposition to be helpful and available

When you find that person, here are some ways to ask them to be your AA sponsor:

• Do you already have a sponsee? If so, how many?
• What motivated you to get sober?
• Do you have any expectations from me?
• Do you live far?
• What motivates you to be a sponsor?
• Would you do a trial sponsor-sponsee relationship to see if we’re a match?
• Would you like to be my AA sponsor? 

When to Get a Sponsor?

Getting a sponsor is encouraged from the very beginning. Some people get a sponsor early on in the hopes they can help them navigate the steps. Others wait until they complete the 12-steps to seek an accountability buddy to help them recover. In the end, there’s no right or wrong timeline for seeking a sponsor. Much like in rehab, every sobriety journey is unique. 

Get the Help You Need

Whether you’re starting your recovery journey or you’ve been sober for some time, an AA sponsor is a key figure in your journey. Continue to attend meetings even after completing the steps, stay in touch with your sponsor, and don’t lose track of your therapist. 

Recovery from addiction is a lifelong journey that involves your active commitment. Don’t hesitate to seek help or reach out for help whenever you feel you might relapse. And, even if you do relapse, remember that it isn’t a failure but a setback. With the right support, you’ll get back on track in no time. 

Sources:

https://www.aa.org/questions-and-answers-sponsorship