Alcoholics Anonymous: Working Step 5

Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Step 5 is the ultimate challenge of humility. It’s the first time that participants are asked to share their deepest, darkest wrongdoings out loud and with another person. If merely the thought of this has you ready to bolt from the meeting room, you’re certainly not alone. Ask any seasoned AA veteran and they’ll tell you that Step 5 is a doozy. But those who are able to do it have reported it as one of the most freeing experiences of their lives. 

A Brief Explanation of Step 5: Taking the Power Out of Past Pain

The thinking behind this step is that only by openly talking about the skeletons in our closets can one truly move past them. It’s a concept similar to that of Catholic confession, and while there may not be a priest to absolve you of your past, Step 5 offers the same promise of relief by allowing recovering addicts to let go of the terrible secrets that chained them to their past.  Like every step before this, working Step 5 requires a recovering alcoholic to knock down yet another wall of ego and pride.

The Purpose of Admitting Wrongs to Others 

There’s a steep price that comes at the cost of carrying a great secret: isolation. Feelings of shame are often derived out of fear or anticipation of judgment, leaving you to shoulder your feelings alone. This inherently creates a feeling of isolation, an invisible barrier you subconsciously put up with everyone you encounter.  

So why does Step 5 ask you to unearth and share your greatest and most shameful secrets? The purpose is quite straightforward. Doing so helps to knock down the walls that addiction puts up around our hearts. Sharing our truths – no matter how unpleasant – banishes the loneliness that addiction often brings. Additionally, revealing your lowest moments to another person releases a tremendous emotional burden, and helps you feel more connected to people once again.

The Biggest Obstacles to Working Step 5

The task of admitting “the exact nature of our wrongs” is considered to be one of the hardest in the Twelve Steps. For many, the promise of releasing the secrets that have been burdening them isn’t enough to entice them to overcome their fear of being judged. Simply by the nature of speaking something out loud can make things seem more “real”. To do so would force us to reckon with our past actions for the first time, adding to the reluctance to go through with the admittance of wrongs. There are two things in particular that tend to be the main point of concern when it comes to step five, here’s how to overcome them:

Choosing a confidante

At first, participants might assume that they will be sharing their most guarded secrets to the entire group or to a complete stranger. Step 5 does not require individuals to stand at a podium, metaphorical or otherwise. It should be comforting to know that you only need to tell one person, and it’s an individual of your choosing. The person who first comes to mind is likely to be your AA sponsor, but it doesn’t have to be. The recipient of your confession should be someone whom you trust, respect, and more than anything, feel comfortable with. It is recommended that it is someone who has also experienced addiction and has had life experiences similar to your own.  

Confessing illegal wrongdoings

Addiction can bring us to do terrible things that we otherwise would never think that we were capable of ( See Step 2: Admitting insanity). Some of those things might even err on the wrong side of the law. It’s not uncommon, but still adds an extra layer of difficulty when it comes to being open and honest. If you are concerned about your confidante being put in an uncomfortable position or the risk that you’ll be reported to authorities, not to worry. The person you choose to confide in does not have to be from the Alcoholics Anonymous organization. You can choose someone who is professionally bound to confidentiality such as a member of the church or a therapist.

Overcoming negative feelings of shame or fear

As social creatures, the thought of revealing the worst aspects of ourselves goes against our most basic of instincts. So if the thought of confessing your lowest moments fills you with dread, take comfort that everyone else in the room with you has (or will have) had to undergo this same task and likely felt the same way you’re feeling now. Think of Step 5 as a rite of passage. Once completed, you’ll feel a much closer bond with the other members of the group.

Tips for Having a Difficult Conversation

Don’t let temporary fear rob you of the opportunity to find peace. Once you’ve gathered the resolve to go through and work Step 5 in earnest, you can employ a few tactics to make the conversation easier: 

• If a face-to-face conversation is too much, try being in the same room but with your backs turned to one another. Once you’ve begun and feel a bit more comfortable, then turn to face your listener.
• Wear sunglasses or some sort of face covering. Things like masks and costumes make us feel shielded and thereby lower our inhibitions. Even if your speaker knows who you are, having some sort of physical barrier can help you feel more secure when sharing. 
• Studies have shown that the brain finds it difficult to speak while maintaining eye contact. if you feel like you’re struggling, feel free to look at the floor, your hands, a spot on the wall, etc. Your listener will understand and won’t be offended.
• Being vulnerable is one of the bravest things you could possibly be –  it is not a weakness. Embrace the opportunity to do so in a judgment-free environment and remember that you have given yourself over to your higher power and are no longer the person whose actions you are describing

Because of the difficult nature of this task, many in the AA program find it necessary to come back to this step multiple times to eventually get the entire truth out. Don’t feel pressured to have to bear your soul completely in the first go.

Author: Find Recovery Editorial Team

The Find Recovery Editorial Team includes content experts that contribute to this online publication. Editors and recovery experts review our blogs carefully for accuracy and relevance. We refer to authority organizations such as SAMHSA and NIDA for the latest research, data, and news to provide our readers with the most up-to-date addiction and recovery-related content. View all posts by Find Recovery Editorial Team