6 Codependent Family Roles

Codependency refers to a dysfunctional and enabling relationship dynamic that often develops between a substance abuser (the addict) and a close family member, friend, or partner (the codependent). It can manifest in various roles that a person plays in an addicted person’s life — roles that usually perpetuate addiction and impede the recovery process. Here are the six most common codependent family roles…

Exploring the 6 Key Codependent Family Roles

These roles can perpetuate the addiction and hinder both the addict’s and the codependent’s ability to seek help and healing. Understanding codependent roles is essential for recognizing and addressing these unhealthy patterns. 

Note that these archetypes of codependent family roles are not mutually exclusive. Individuals can embody characteristics of multiple roles simultaneously and may not neatly fit into one role. 

1. The Addict

Naturally, the loved one struggling with drug or alcohol addiction is going to be the main focal point of the family unit. In a codependent family dynamic, the addicted person’s needs are the top priority and tend to overshadow all else going on with other family members. 

2. The Caretaker

The easiest family to identify (and potentially the most destructive) is that of the Caretaker, a quintessential enabler. Their main M.O. is denial. This person is eager to hide the consequences of the addicted person’s action from both the addicted individual and those outside the family.

Their primary concern is maintaining peace in the household, which usually involves making excuses for the addicted loved one, eliminating the need for them to take responsibility for their actions. 

3. The Hero

Coming in to save the day, the family member who assumes the Hero role attempts to overcompensate for the chaos caused by an addicted loved one through overachievement and perfectionism. They do this by going above and beyond to maintain a sense of normalcy in the household and take on duties that have been neglected due to the family’s focus on the addicted loved one. They simultaneously ignore the problem and are preoccupied with maintaining the family image.

4. The Scapegoat

The direct opposite of the hero codependency role is the Scapegoat. This individual acts out as a result of the attention they’re not getting due to the focus on their addicted loved one. They frequently get into trouble at home, work, or school, which then serves as a lightning rod for the family to place their anger and frustrations. This trouble-making behavior is usually caused by underlying feelings of sadness or loneliness. 

5. The Mascot

This role uses humor to deflect from the situation at home and attempt to downplay the severity of the circumstances. While being optimistic is usually a good thing, the Mascot’s attempts at levity can do more harm in the long run. They might appear not to take anything seriously, but internally, they are likely struggling with feelings of shame or fear and a desperation for approval. 

6. The Lost Child

The Lost Child feels neglected and forgotten in the family unit and, as a result, heavily withdraws themselves from interactions with other family members. They also tend to exhibit an extreme avoidance of the subject of their addictive loved one, sometimes going so far as to avoid saying their name.  Despite the role, this codependent family isn’t limited to that of an actual child. 

What causes codependency in families with addiction?

The development of codependency is usually a response to the chaos and unpredictability of living with an addicted person who may lie, cheat, and steal from their loved ones and cause physical, financial, and emotional strife. 

Fear, guilt, or shame are also powerful motivators that can leave family members wanting to “fix” the situation themselves, believing that they failed their loved one. Similarly, a family may fear that confronting the issue may cause their added family member to pull away and distance themselves. Sometimes, the root of codependency is simply low self-esteem, and family members associate their worth (sometimes through these codependent roles) with supporting their addicted loved one.

Recognizing Codependency Control Patterns

The roles of codependency are problematic because they normalize a serious issue. In the best case, they can hinder the addicted loved one from getting treatment. At their worst, these behaviors may enable the addicted person and cause the situation to get worse.

Recognizing codependent roles is the first step towards breaking the cycle and supporting healthier relationships and recovery. Treatment and counseling for both the addict and the codependent can be instrumental in addressing these patterns and fostering positive change.

If you’re not sure how to get help for a loved one with addiction, attending a local Al-Anon meeting can offer valuable perspective on how to provide support without losing yourself in the process. 

Court Ordered Alcohol Monitoring Bracelets: What You Should Know

Alcohol monitoring bracelets are an increasingly common punishment for DUI arrests as an alternative to jail time. These wearable alcohol detectors can identify even just teensy amounts of alcohol in the body. Here’s a complete guide to how they work, the consequences of drinking alcohol while court-ordered to wear one, and how much trouble you could get into if you tampered with one. 

What is an alcohol monitoring bracelet?

Alcohol monitoring bracelets are wearables that measure a person’s alcohol consumption. They’re often court-ordered to individuals who have been arrested on DUI charges, though they can be worn voluntarily by someone looking for increased accountability to help them maintain their sobriety. Most court-ordered bracelets are issued to be worn for 90 consecutive days.

These monitoring bracelets measure alcohol blood concentration through contact with the wearer’s skin — or, more precisely, the wearer’s sweat. Some alcohol monitors are worn on the wrist, while the majority, like the popular SCRAM alcohol monitor, are ankle monitors worn just above the foot. In either style, alcohol monitoring bracelets are meant to be unobtrusive and allow for all normal activities like exercising and swimming. 

How do alcohol monitoring bracelets work?

Alcohol monitor bracelets are semi-permanent wearables that a court-ordered individual can only remove with the court’s permission. Unlike the older breathalyzer tests, these bracelets check a person’s insensible perspiration, which is on the skin at all times, whether we feel sweaty or not.

The automatic tests look for alcohol metabolites, the leftover traces of alcohol that are excreted through the skin and are extremely sensitive. The SCRAM alcohol monitor can detect a blood alcohol concentration of as low as 0.02%. 

Wearable alcohol monitors typically test every 30 minutes, 24 hours a day. There’s no sound to indicate that a test is occurring, though some may make a light buzzing noise. These test results are then sent to a monitoring center via GPS signal. There, trained professionals analyze the transmitted data for evidence of alcohol consumption. If no alcohol is detected, nothing happens. If alcohol is detected in your sweat while wearing an alcohol monitor.

What happens when SCRAM detects alcohol?

When alcohol is detected in an alcohol monitor, the monitoring personnel can locate the precise location and then alert the local authorities. The consequences can vary and are up to the judge’s discretion. These can include: 

  • Altered bond terms 
  • Fines
  • Probation or parole
  • Revoke the person’s bond and send them to jail
  • Revoked driving privileges
  • Required counseling and community service initiatives

However, alcohol isn’t all that court-issued alcohol monitors monitor. Those 30-minute tests also check for tampering. Any of the below acts can result in similar consequences as violating the court order and consuming alcohol.

  • Breaking the device
  • Interfering with body temperature to prevent sweating
  • Putting a barrier between the monitor and the skin

Avoiding false positives

As mentioned earlier, modern alcohol monitors are highly sensitive, which can leave some people concerned about everyday products like perfume, mouthwash, hand sanitizer, lotion, and hairspray which contain alcohol. 

The good news is that it’s very unlikely that any personal hygiene products would be enough to generate an alert just by using them. However, using them near your monitor or in high quantities could generate a false positive. For this reason, alcohol monitoring bracelets typically require users to agree to avoid these products to be on the safe side. 

Similarly, spilling alcohol directly on your monitor would certainly be captured by your device. However, the device is sophisticated enough to detect a rapid spike in alcohol content and attribute it to something external rather than alcohol consumption. 

Is there such a thing as secondhand alcohol exposure?

Kissing or other intimate acts with someone who has been consuming alcohol won’t trigger an alarm on your monitor. The monitor can distinguish between ingested alcohol and exposure to something — or someone — containing alcohol. 

How far back can a SCRAM bracelet detect alcohol?

Unlike drugs such as marijuana, cocaine, or methamphetamine, which leave long-lasting traces of their substances in the body (think: saliva, hair, urine), alcohol does not leave any lasting trace. So, if you have alcohol in your system even an hour before having an alcohol detection bracelet installed, you likely won’t have to worry about immediately setting off your monitor. 

What can I do if I don’t want to wear an alcohol monitor bracelet?

If you’ve been court ordered to wear an alcohol monitor, sorry, you don’t have much choice. Something you do have control over is whether you view this monitor as a burden or an opportunity to get sober. If you’re struggling to abstain from alcohol, visit a local Alcoholics Anonymous group to get practical tips and advice from others who have been in your shoes. 

What is an alcohol monitoring bracelet?

Alcohol monitoring bracelets are wearables that measure a person’s alcohol consumption. They’re often court-ordered to individuals who have been arrested on DUI charges, though they can be worn voluntarily by someone looking for increased accountability to help them maintain their sobriety. Most court-ordered bracelets are issued to be worn for 90 consecutive days.

These monitoring bracelets measure alcohol blood concentration through contact with the wearer’s skin — or, more precisely, the wearer’s sweat. Some alcohol monitors are worn on the wrist, while the majority, like the popular SCRAM alcohol monitor, are ankle monitors worn just above the foot. In either style, alcohol monitoring bracelets are meant to be unobtrusive and allow for all normal activities like exercising and swimming. 

How do alcohol monitoring bracelets work?

Alcohol monitor bracelets are semi-permanent wearables that a court-ordered individual can only remove with the court’s permission. Unlike the older breathalyzer tests, these bracelets check a person’s insensible perspiration, which is on the skin at all times, whether we feel sweaty or not.

The automatic tests look for alcohol metabolites, the leftover traces of alcohol that are excreted through the skin and are extremely sensitive. The SCRAM alcohol monitor can detect a blood alcohol concentration of as low as 0.02%. 

Wearable alcohol monitors typically test every 30 minutes, 24 hours a day. There’s no sound to indicate that a test is occurring, though some may make a light buzzing noise. These test results are then sent to a monitoring center via GPS signal. There, trained professionals analyze the transmitted data for evidence of alcohol consumption. If no alcohol is detected, nothing happens. If alcohol is detected in your sweat while wearing an alcohol monitor.

What happens when SCRAM detects alcohol?

When alcohol is detected in an alcohol monitor, the monitoring personnel can locate the precise location and then alert the local authorities. The consequences can vary and are up to the judge’s discretion. These can include: 

  • Altered bond terms 
  • Fines
  • Probation or parole
  • Revoke the person’s bond and send them to jail
  • Revoked driving privileges
  • Required counseling and community service initiatives

However, alcohol isn’t all that court-issued alcohol monitors monitor. Those 30-minute tests also check for tampering. Any of the below acts can result in similar consequences as violating the court order and consuming alcohol.

  • Breaking the device
  • Interfering with body temperature to prevent sweating
  • Putting a barrier between the monitor and the skin

Avoiding false positives

As mentioned earlier, modern alcohol monitors are highly sensitive, which can leave some people concerned about everyday products like perfume, mouthwash, hand sanitizer, lotion, and hairspray which contain alcohol. 

The good news is that it’s very unlikely that any personal hygiene products would be enough to generate an alert just by using them. However, using them near your monitor or in high quantities could generate a false positive. For this reason, alcohol monitoring bracelets typically require users to agree to avoid these products to be on the safe side. 

Similarly, spilling alcohol directly on your monitor would certainly be captured by your device. However, the device is sophisticated enough to detect a rapid spike in alcohol content and attribute it to something external rather than alcohol consumption. 

Is there such a thing as secondhand alcohol exposure?

Kissing or other intimate acts with someone who has been consuming alcohol won’t trigger an alarm on your monitor. The monitor can distinguish between ingested alcohol and exposure to something — or someone — containing alcohol. 

How far back can a SCRAM bracelet detect alcohol?

Unlike drugs such as marijuana, cocaine, or methamphetamine, which leave long-lasting traces of their substances in the body (think: saliva, hair, urine), alcohol does not leave any lasting trace. So, if you have alcohol in your system even an hour before having an alcohol detection bracelet installed, you likely won’t have to worry about immediately setting off your monitor. 

What can I do if I don’t want to wear an alcohol monitor bracelet?

If you’ve been court ordered to wear an alcohol monitor, sorry, you don’t have much choice. Something you do have control over is whether you view this monitor as a burden or an opportunity to get sober. If you’re struggling to abstain from alcohol, visit a local Alcoholics Anonymous group to get practical tips and advice from others who have been in your shoes. 

Can you get a DUI on a Bike?

The law is very clear about the consequences of being intoxicated while operating a vehicle with four wheels, but what about when that “vehicle” only has two of them? We’re talking about bikes, the non-motorized kinds, and whether or not it’s possible to get into legal trouble for riding one with a BAC (blood alcohol concentration) of 0.08% or higher. If you’ve ever wondered “can you get a DUI on a bike?” strap on your helmet, the answer is one wild ride.

Can you get a DUI on a bicycle?

Depending on the state, it’s absolutely possible for a cyclist to get pulled over by law enforcement and charged with driving under the influence. In fact, a drunk bicyclist could even be arrested and detained because of it.

Understandably, many people aren’t aware that getting a DUI on a bicycle is even a remote possibility. The ‘D’ in DUI stands for driving after all, a term used almost exclusively to describe the act of operating gas or electric-powered vehicles. So, how can such a charge be applicable to someone on a set of wheels that are operated by pushing pedals?

The reason boils down to DUI law and what the statute says — or doesn’t say. Specifically, the legal definition of what’s considered a vehicle. DUI statutes vary from state to state, with some only having vague wording about what counts as a vehicle while others are more specific.

Some states specify that DUIs can only apply to motor vehicles or may explicitly exclude bicycles from these statutes altogether. Other states are much more general, referring to vehicles as anything capable of transporting people. It is these latter types of statutes that allow law enforcement the ability to dictate whether your mode of transportation is eligible to earn you a DUI.

Additionally, motorized bikes are typically lumped in with other motorized vehicles.

What are the penalties for getting a DUI on a bike?

The wording of these statutes can also affect the severity of such a charge. Some states have a separate set of penalties for cyclists — but this isn’t common. Most states treat intoxicated bicyclists with the same charges as if they were operating a car.

Common penalties can include:

  • Fines ranging from a few hundred to a few thousand dollars
  • Jail time of up to a year or more depending on if it’s a felony DUI)
  • License suspension for a few months to a few years
  • Put on probation
  • Substance abuse evaluation and treatment

If a bicycle DUI case ends up in court, these offenses are typically treated with a bit more leniency since a bicycle poses much less danger on the road than a motor vehicle. However, this is not the case if a person has multiple DUI charges.

A person’s first DUI is considered a misdemeanor in most states. It isn’t until a person has had multiple DUI convictions that it would be classified as a felony, regardless of vehicle type.

Why you got pulled over: Is it illegal to ride a bike drunk?

So, we know that it’s possible to get a DUI on a bike, but what grounds would an officer have to pull someone over in the first place? Once again, the answer is “it depends”, and can vary based on a state’s DUI laws.

Certain states explicitly say that riding a bicycle while drunk is a crime. In other instances where the law isn’t as straightforward, DUI law allows officers to stop people who are behaving in a way that shows that they’re clearly intoxicated.

However, there’s another reason why a person could get a DUI on a bike that falls outside of DUI law: public intoxication. It’s a broad offense that every single state has some degree of regulation on. In addition to possibly disruptive behavior in public, an officer may stop someone who’s intoxicated in a public place for potentially being a danger to others or themselves.

Through this general, catch-all charge, someone who’s drunk on a bicycle could legally be stopped at an officer’s discretion. Public intoxication rules are also the reason why it’s not just bicycling that can earn someone a DUI but walking while intoxicated can get a person in trouble as well.

It might seem like you’re doing the responsible thing by not drinking and driving, but traveling in any form can be extremely dangerous if you’re inebriated. If you or a loved one has had their driving rights revoked due to driving under the influence, it’s time to get help. Find an Alcoholics Anonymous group near you today and put yourself back in the driver’s seat of your life.

Understanding Alcohol Brain Fog

We’ve all heard the term “brain fog” thrown around, but when it comes to alcohol, this fog can become a lingering haze that disrupts your life. Understanding what alcohol brain fog is, its causes, and how to overcome it is crucial for anyone grappling with alcohol-related issues. This article aims to shed light on this often-overlooked aspect of alcohol consumption and its long-term effects on cognitive function.

What is Alcohol Brain Frog?

Alcohol brain fog refers to a range of cognitive impairments that occur during alcohol consumption or in the aftermath. While “brain fog” is not a medical term, it’s widely used to describe symptoms like confusion, forgetfulness, lack of focus, and mental clarity. In the context of alcohol, these symptoms can be acute (occurring shortly after drinking) and chronic, lasting long after the alcohol has left your system.

In fact, brain fog related to alcohol use can also be a symptom of withdrawal for those who have developed alcohol dependence. In such cases, the brain has become accustomed to the presence of alcohol and may struggle to function normally without it, leading to feelings of confusion or disorientation.

Causes of Alcohol Brain Fog

There isn’t a single cause directly associated with alcohol brain fog. This cognitive impairment is often the result of the following:

  • Alcohol Abuse: Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant, which means it slows down brain function and neural activity. This impairment can lead to temporary cognitive dysfunction, often called brain fog.
  • Withdrawal Symptoms: For those who have developed an alcohol dependence, brain fog can also be a withdrawal symptom. In such cases, the brain struggles to function normally without alcohol, leading to cognitive impairments.
  • Nutrition Deficiencies: Chronic alcohol use can lead to nutritional deficiencies, such as a lack of B vitamins, which are crucial for cognitive function. This deficiency can exacerbate symptoms of brain fog.

Signs and Symptoms

Alcohol brain fog varies depending on the individual’s consumption frequency, tolerance and overall health. Recognizing the signs of alcohol brain fog is the first step toward addressing it. Symptoms can include:

  • Lack of concentration. People with alcohol brain fog find concentrating on tasks and following conversations hard. This difficulty can disrupt work, social interactions and overall productivity.
  • Memory problems. Short-term memory problems like forgetting people’s names and recent events are frequent in an individual suffering from brain fog. More severe issues include blackouts and amnesia.
  • Exhaustion. Alcohol can disrupt standard sleep patterns. The lack of restorative sleep contributes to cognitive impairment and brain fog.
  • Exacerbation of the need for alcohol. The individual may start to notice the symptoms of alcohol brain fog and feel like their brain is “damaged” and they “need alcohol to think.” This can lead to misuse and addiction.

Long-term Effects

If not addressed, alcohol brain fog can lead to more severe cognitive impairments over time. Chronic alcohol use has been linked to long-term memory issues, decreased attention span, and even conditions like Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome, a severe form of cognitive impairment related to vitamin B1 deficiency.

Brain fog and long-term alcohol misuse can increase vulnerability to mental health disorders such as anxiety and depression. The impact of alcohol on neurotransmitters and brain chemistry can disrupt mood regulation and contribute to the development or worsening of these conditions.

How to Overcome Alcohol Brain Fog

There are plenty of ways to recover from alcohol brain fog.

  • Medical Evaluation: The first step in overcoming alcohol brain fog is to consult a healthcare provider for a comprehensive diagnosis and treatment plan, which may include detoxification and other medical interventions.
  • Medical Detox: Abruptly stopping the ingestion of alcohol can be challenging and potentially dangerous. Professional detox will help you or your loved one to cut down alcohol drinking step by step. This way, your brain and body can readjust in a measured way.
  • Mental Health Support:  Research shows that brain fog is already a symptom of severe mental illnesses and, when exacerbated, can worsen the symptoms of anxiety and depression. When seeking professional help, ensure the treatment center or the healthcare provider offers dual diagnosis and treatment.
  • Alcohol Addiction Treatment: Behavioral treatments, medications and mutual support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) are some of the most effective treatments for alcohol addiction. Behavioral therapies will help you recognize your patterns and triggers and develop the skills to reduce or stop drinking.
  • Healthy Habits: Once you get control of your alcohol consumption, the way to steady sobriety can be achieved through healthy habits. Drinking 2-3L of water daily, maintaining a nutritious diet, creating a self-care plan and developing a support network can nurture your body and mind on the path to wellness.
  • Abstinence or Moderation: Depending on the severity of the symptoms and the underlying causes, reducing alcohol intake or abstaining entirely is often necessary to clear the fog.

The Bottom Line

According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, people who get treated for their alcohol problems have no further mental or physical symptoms one year later. Understanding alcohol brain fog is crucial for anyone dealing with alcohol-related cognitive impairments. By recognizing the signs and taking proactive steps, it’s possible to lift the fog and improve your cognitive function.

10 Job Tips for Recovering Addicts

Navigating the job market is challenging for anyone, but the journey can feel like an uphill battle for those in recovery from addiction. Let’s explore some tips to help you land that job and make a fresh start.

1. Explore Career Development Opportunities in Your Rehab Center

Your journey to employment can start right where your recovery did. Many rehab centers offer career development services, from vocational training to job placement assistance. Take advantage of these resources to set the stage for your job search.

2. Conduct an Honest Self-Assessment

Before diving into the job search, take some time to assess your skills, interests, and strengths. Knowing what you bring can help you target roles that align with your abilities. Consider taking online courses or workshops to fill in any skill gaps.

3. Master the Art of Resume Building

Crafting a compelling resume is crucial. If you have employment gaps due to your recovery journey, consider using a functional resume that focuses on your skills rather than a chronological work history. Be prepared to discuss your experience in a positive light, emphasizing what you’ve learned and how it makes you a stronger candidate.

A resume is your first impression on paper, and it needs to be a good one. Some rehab centers offer resume-building workshops to help you address employment gaps and highlight your skills. Utilize these services to create a resume that speaks to your strengths.

4. Know Where to Look

Some industries are more understanding and supportive than others when hiring people in recovery. Research companies are known for their inclusive cultures and don’t overlook job boards that specialize in opportunities for those with a history of addiction.

Don’t underestimate the power of your rehab center in your job search. Many centers have partnerships with local businesses and can help you find opportunities that fit your skills and background well.

5. Leverage Your Network

Your support network can be valuable in your job search. Groups like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and Narcotics Anonymous (NA) often have members who can provide job leads or offer advice on navigating the job market.

Contact friends, family, and acquaintances who might know of suitable job openings. Networking events and LinkedIn are also excellent platforms for making professional connections.

6. Prepare for Interviews

Interviews can be nerve-wracking, especially if you’re concerned about discussing your recovery. Many rehab centers and even halfway houses offer mock interviews and coaching to help you prepare. Use these resources to build your confidence and hone your interview skills.

7. To Disclose or not to Disclose?

When disclosing your recovery status, you may wonder what you’re legally required to share. The answer varies by jurisdiction and job type. Still, generally, you’re not obligated to disclose your medical history, including addiction recovery, unless it directly impacts your ability to perform the job.

Weigh the pros and cons carefully. If you choose to disclose, be straightforward but professional, focusing on how your journey has equipped you with unique skills and perspectives.

8. Consider Part-Time and Flexible Jobs

If you’re in early recovery or enrolled in an outpatient program. Consider part-time or flexible job opportunities that allow you to maintain a healthy work-life balance while focusing on your recovery. 

9. Know Your Rights

You have legal protections against discrimination based on your recovery status. Familiarize yourself with these laws so you can advocate for yourself if needed. The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) does offer specific protections for individuals recovering from substance abuse, including drug and alcohol addiction. 

Under the ADA, recovering addicts may be entitled to “reasonable accommodations” to help them perform the essential functions of their job. This could include schedule flexibility for attending AA or NA meetings, for example.

10. Never Stop Learning and Growing

The job market is ever-changing, and continuous learning is key to long-term success. Keep updating your skills and stay adaptable. Your journey doesn’t end when you get the job; it’s a new beginning.

Bonus: Focus On the Best Jobs for Recovering Addicts

When choosing a career path, consider roles conducive to your recovery. Jobs with a stable work environment, low stress, and a supportive community can be ideal. 

Jobs to Consider:

  • Skilled Trades: Jobs in carpentry, plumbing, or electrical work often provide a stable work environment and the satisfaction of tangible results.
  • Animal Care: Working with animals can be therapeutic and offers a lower-stress environment than many other jobs.
  • Administrative Roles: Office jobs provide a structured routine without the high-stress environment of sales or customer service roles.
  • Library Assistant: A calm environment and the opportunity to work independently can make this a good option.
  • Non-Profit Organizations: The sense of purpose that comes from doing meaningful work can strongly influence recovery.

Jobs to Avoid:

  • Bars/Nightclubs: The availability of alcohol or drugs can make these environments risky.
  • High-Stress Jobs: Roles in finance, law enforcement, or emergency healthcare can be triggering due to stress.
  • Sales Roles Involving Commission: The pressure to meet quotas can be stressful and destabilizing.
  • Isolated or Unsupervised Jobs: Lack of a support network or accountability can be risky for some people in recovery.
  • Competitive Fields: High-pressure, competitive environments can be stressful and not conducive to recovery.

    Remember, the road to employment may have challenges, but your recovery journey has already shown you have the resilience and determination to overcome obstacles. 

How Cinderella Syndrome Impacts Addiction

Cinderella syndrome (also sometimes referred to as a Cinderella complex or the Cinderella effect) is a psychological condition when a person has “an unconscious desire to be taken care of by someone else.” It was popularized in a book written by author and psychotherapist, Colette Dowling, in reference to the main character of the well-known fairytale — a princess who relies on being rescued by her prince to escape her miserable situation. 

Initially, the term only referred to women who had a fear of independence and felt that they needed a (usually male) savior.  Since then, Cinderella syndrome (and its many names), has been adopted by mental health professionals. It can now be applied to refer to anyone who believes that they can only find happiness through external sources, such as romantic relationships or material possessions. 

Why the Cinderella Syndrome is a toxic way of thinking

A “Cinderella complex” is a deceptively cute name for a highly toxic thought pattern. The reasons why this attitude is problematic are obvious. At its core, there’s a lack of willingness to take responsibility for one’s actions. It also discourages the individual from recognizing that they have agency and can change (and even improve) their situation themselves. 

The notion of waiting for the proverbial “white knight” or “prince charming” to come to the rescue is going to result in making poor choices, be they in love, work, amongst family, friends, or strangers — or perhaps failing to make any choices at all. 

How Cinderella Syndrome Can Impact Addiction

For the reasons outlined above, this syndrome is particularly detrimental when it comes to addiction recovery. The nature of this condition lends itself all too well to behavior that can either lead to a path of addiction or fuel it further.

Prone to unhealthy coping mechanisms

Someone with Cinderella syndrome either doesn’t believe they can manage their own emotions or simply lack the desire to do so. Instead, they place the responsibility for their physical, emotional, or psychological well-being on others. Naturally, this type of person is also likely to be prone to relying on other external coping mechanisms. 

For many, this means drugs or alcohol. They may think something along the lines of “Drinking will make all my problems go away” which ends up being a gateway to addiction.

Lack of motivation to modify behavior

A person with Cinderella syndrome always expects someone else to get them out of their situation. So in a circumstance like addiction, where it ultimately comes down to that individual’s desire and determination to make positive changes (something that someone with Cinderella syndrome severely lacks), they may have an exceptionally difficult time trying to recover.   

Instead of taking accountability for their actions or reflecting on the changes they could make to better themselves, they may think something along the lines of “Once I get the perfect romantic partner/job/physique, I won’t need to drink to feel happy.”  

As with the other scenario, this fairytale line of thinking puts the burden of responsibility on some external object or person to serve as the catalyst that prompts the change in some way. Perhaps filling some emotional void or something more practical such as financial assistance. In either instance, the individual is the recipient of some sort of action that “rescues” them from the situation, rather than them needing to make any meaningful change.

Leads to unrealistic expectations

Whether you’re placing expectations on someone or something beyond your control, odds are that you’re going to be disappointed. If you’re expecting someone or something to result in your “happily ever after,” then odds are you’re going to be even more disappointed. 

To someone with a Cinderella complex, they may only see two possible outcomes: success—or utter failure.​​ This lack of nuance sets a person up for disappointment and discouragement, serving as an emotional trigger that causes them to relapse. 

Shared Cinderella Syndrome and drug addiction characteristics

  • Escapism: Looks for relief from unpleasant situations through distractions that may not be productive or healthy  
  • Codependent: Being in an imbalanced relationship through which one or both partners base their self-worth on the other
  • Lack of accountability: Tends to blame others and look outward for the cause of their misfortunes
  • Self-sabotaging behavior: May consciously or unconsciously engage in behavior that sets them up for failure since “it wasn’t going to work anyways”
  • Poor self-image: Lack of self-esteem or worth may stop them from seeking assistance
  • Lack of control: Feeling powerless to create change; instead may rely on, or blame others when things don’t go their way

If you have a loved one suffering from addiction, you can’t just wish for a fairytale ending. For free addiction recovery support, find an AA group near you, today. 

HALT: An Acronym All Addicts Need to Know!

Most of us can probably remember an instance where we wish someone had intervened to stop us from doing something we later came to regret–those of us who are battling drug addiction certainly can. But what if you had that ability to be that mitigating force for yourself? It’s possible — no time travel or superpowers otherwise required. All it takes is remembering four simple letters known as the HALT acronym. It’s an easy trick that can save recovering addicts a lot of future headache, heartache, and strife, without needing to rely on others. 

What does the H.A.L.T acronym stand for?

H.A.L.T. stands for hunger, anger, loneliness, and tiredness. These represent four states of being we find ourselves in when our basic needs are unmet. When they take hold, we may unwittingly engage in self-destructive behavior, which for someone in recovery, could mean the dangerous path to relapse. 

Hunger

Hunger is an essential aspect of survival. Yet having a rumbly tummy isn’t just unpleasant, it’s a serious mood killer. Being “hangry” is a very real thing as hunger is linked to crankiness, irritability, and mood swings. Several changes go on in the body that affect the mood centers of the brain that turn our mood for the worse, increasing negativity and causing symptoms of depression and anxiety, while also impairing impulse control. 

One potential cause is ghrelin, a hormone released when the stomach is empty (or perceives itself as empty) that signals the brain to rev up your appetite. Increased ghrelin levels have been shown to directly affect reward-seeking behavior and increase the need for immediate gratification–a pathway that also plays a role in the development of drug addiction.

Another reason why hunger can cause us to act in destructive ways is due to the release of cortisol, the fight-or-flight hormone, which can be triggered by ghrelin. Once the stress response has been initiated, primal instinct takes over causing major shifts in focus, concentration, and emotional response regulation. 

Anger

Anger is a normal human emotion, but it’s a powerful one that can override our brains and interfere with rational thought, a response known as an amygdala hijack. When this happens, the prefrontal cortex–the part of the brain that controls higher-level thinking, decision-making, and impulse control–takes a backseat, leaving us with a reduced ability to solve problems and make good decisions. 

It’s easy to see why this is a particularly bad place for a person in recovery to find themselves.  The feeling itself can be triggering and lead to relapse, but it can also overtake their desire to remain sober. Acts such as deep breathing or physically removing yourself from the cause of anger can help you regain control in the face of an extreme emotional response.

Loneliness

Humans are naturally social creatures and loneliness can be devastating to both our physical and mental health. For someone in recovery, loneliness can be especially detrimental because it’s often our relationships with others that serve as the main source of motivation and accountability. 

Tiredness

It’s well documented that being tired is going to significantly affect your cognition and decision-making. Research has shown that being sleepy causes similar impairments to that of being drunk. Rational decisions aside, the threat that being sleepy can have on relapse is even more fundamental. 

Fatigue affects the brain and can worsen mental health issues and more serious psychological disorders. Anxiety, depression, and other mood disorders can increase the likelihood of a person engaging in unhealthy behavior that increases the risk of relapse. 

What is the H.A.L.T. method?

The H.A.L.T. method is an ongoing practice in self-awareness. Individuals are encouraged to scan themselves for an unmet need and recognize if it’s coloring how they are thinking or feeling. These informal check-ins can range in frequency from once a day to every hour. 

It’s an easy tool for evaluating one’s physical and mental state and identifying the warning signs that something could be impairing their ability to make good decisions or react in productive ways. As important as it is to be able to recognize whether you’re hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, it’s perhaps more important to 1) understand why you feel that way (have you been skipping meals or perhaps ignoring phone calls from loved ones?) and 2) knowing how to deal with those stressors (like taking a short nap). 

One of the most challenging states to deal with is loneliness. Not everyone has a supportive family or friend group they can turn to. If you find yourself struggling to connect with others, consider attending a 12-step group near you

How Hugging Can Help You Heal

Hugging is a simple act, yet one of the most powerful gestures of love.

No one can deny the power of physical touch; it is a powerful way to connect with others. A comforting pat on the back, a loving embrace, the hand of a dear friend taking in yours when you’re scared. Touch conveys a range of emotions and provides support in times of need.

One type of touch that has compelling benefits is the hug. A hug is an expression of love, affection, and gratitude, and it has been shown to have various health benefits.

How Hugs Help Us Heal

As a natural human interaction, hugging is deeply ingrained into our instincts. We often long to share hugs with a loved one.

We may all understand its emotional power, but hugging has numerous benefits that extend beyond what we feel during one. Hugging can improve both physical and psychological well-being.

Hugging is gratifying and great for overall health. Here are some reasons why everyone should hug more often:

Physical benefits of hugging:

  • Lowers blood pressure
  • Reduces stress and anxiety
  • Boosts the immune system
  • Promotes feelings of happiness and well-being

Emotional benefits of hugging:

  • Provides comfort and support
  • Promotes feelings of love and belonging
  • Improves communication and connection
  • Enhances trust and intimacy

6 Ways Hugging Improves Mental Health And Helps You Heal

Hugs have a wide array of benefits. Due to the increased popularity of mental health awareness, we have seen more articles about how hugging can help improve mental health. Let’s talk about how hugs help heal and improve mental health.

1. Embracing a romantic partner reduces stress in women

A recent study found that women who hugged their romantic partners before being stressed showed a reduced cortisol response. Participants from a control group did not hug anyone before a controlled stress test and showed a greater cortisol response.

This was a small study with only 76 participants, and the male participants did not experience similar stress-reducing effects during the test. It did show that women benefit very much from short-term hugs before stressful social situations like medical examinations or stressful job interviews.

2. It helps you bond and express non-verbal emotions

Regarding communication and connection, hugging can be a way to express feelings nonverbally and connect with others on a deeper level. It can also enhance trust and intimacy in relationships, as it requires vulnerability and willingness to embrace someone physically.

3. Hugs release “feel good” hormones

In line with prior points, hugs release oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin. These are neurotransmitters that make you feel happy and relaxed and can even reduce pain and lower levels of depression. Think about the same feeling you get after an intense workout.

4. Hugs lower cortisol levels

Cortisol is a stress hormone. It increases sugars in the bloodstream and activates tissue repair. It peaks in the morning and diminishes throughout the day. However, certain foods and situations such as stress can trigger cortisol levels and cause cortisol spikes. 

Hugs reduce cortisol and help you calm down during stressful situations. As we mentioned earlier, it’s been confirmed for women, but it probably wouldn’t hurt to try as a man.

5. Hugs and long hugs may help prevent certain illnesses

A study found that feeling like you have a strong social support system and hugging are associated with reduced chances of catching certain illnesses. In particular, it may help reduce upper respiratory diseases and improve outcomes when you catch one.

During the study, participants provided information about their support system, how often they receive hugs, and how often they experienced daily interpersonal conflict. Participants with a better-perceived support system were less likely to get sick. Those with better support systems who did get sick had less severe symptoms than those with less perceived support.

Another study found that those who experience warm, loving physical contact with their partners may have better heart health than those who do not. The participants who held hands for 10 minutes and shared a 20-second hug with their partners experienced a more significant reduction in heart rate and blood pressure. Participants who sat in silence for 10 minutes and 20 seconds reduced their heart rate and blood pressure to a lesser degree.

6. Hugs can help reduce fears in people with low self-esteem

A study found that reassuring physical touch can help reduce anxiety about mortality in people with lower self-esteem. For the investigation, the experimenter handed questionnaires to a university campus.

When handing out questionnaires, they would sometimes touch participants on their shoulder blades for one second. Participants with lower reported self-esteem who were touched described feeling less fearful about their mortality than those who didn’t receive the touch.

Can Hugs Help You Heal?

Hugs are fundamental to showing love for those around us and have many health benefits. If you are recovering from some addiction, incorporating physical touch with loved ones may significantly contribute to your mental health.

All addiction issues have a significant mental health component, so anything you can do to improve will directly contribute to your recovery.

10 Ways to Encourage a Recovering Addict

Addiction is a chronic condition, and just like other chronic conditions are managed with a comprehensive and sympathetic approach, addiction should be too. Rather than looking at it as a moral shortcoming, it should be considered a mental illness that is addressed holistically. While doctors and counselors play their parts during treatments, family and friends can also contribute greatly to the process of recovery. If you are wondering how to encourage someone who is fighting alcohol or substance dependence, here are some common yet crucial tips.

1. Be patient

No matter how much we want our loved one to recover quickly, it is going to take its due course. The process of recovery is difficult not only for the addict but also for their family members. However, as their support system, you need to practice patience and perseverance so that their recovery process can at least remain smooth. Be mindful that conflicts and arguments with or around an addict can be counterproductive to their progress. 

2. Don’t advise; just listen

Addiction and the treatment of addiction come with heavy negative feelings like hopelessness, sadness, and alienation. Therefore, it is important to be attentive to your loved one by staying with them and listening to them. It is important to note that giving advice to someone with as intense a personal struggle as addiction may not be a wise idea. You should reassure them by acknowledging their feelings. They may feel less alienated and alone while experiencing alienation.

3. Create a comfortable environment

Addiction puts a person more at risk of feeling dejected and regressing back to drugs or alcohol. Therefore, creating a comfortable environment where they are able to share their concerns without getting judged is crucial. Providing a trigger-free environment may help the recovery process. It will almost certainly allow the patient to go through the procedure without incident. For instance, if a person is addicted to Xanax, do not keep Xanax at home.

4. Supporting Healthy Patterns

Involving a person in healthy practices like baking, cleaning, and meditation can be really helpful. Other enjoyable activities that do not involve drugs or alcohol can also help them return to a normal life. It is also a nice way to interact with the family, from which they withdraw when addiction takes over. 

5. Be careful with what you say

Know that addiction is a mental disease. It is not a person’s weakness that holds them back from recovery. Therefore, saying that they are “not trying hard enough” or “are being selfish” is not only counterproductive but also harmful. Would you say this to someone who has diabetes? No. Think along the same lines as you would with any other chronic disease. Use your words to encourage them by being patient with them and assuring them of your support.

6. Recovery is a process, not the outcome

Addiction recovery is a simple process. It is essential to remember that it can be a constant, lifelong process. There is a lot that goes into the journey of addiction recovery. Sometimes, a treatment may not work, which may cause relapse. Some drugs, like heroin, can cause long-term withdrawal symptoms that can hinder the recovery process time and again. If your loved one is suffering from this issue, be prepared to give them endless support.

7. Be there for yourself

A person can become reckless towards themselves while caring for a loved one who is undergoing addiction treatment. Remember that you can lend support without sabotaging yourself. It is important for you and for your loved one. Your health is just as important as your loved one’s. In fact, they have doctors to look for, and you have you. So, be sure to be there for yourself.

8. Help them find group counseling

Certain support groups or outpatient treatment centers offer counseling sessions to individuals who are suffering from addiction. You may urge them to register for support groups like AA meetings. There are other forms of therapy too, but joining a group can make them feel understood and more determined to achieve recovery. This can be a great source of encouragement for a person in recovery.

9. Stay informed about addiction

Addiction is greatly stigmatized as a moral shortcoming. To change the mindset, it is imperative to stay educated about addiction and the problems that it brings. Remember that there is no “cure” for addiction. Instead, as mentioned above, it is a long process with many hindrances. Don’t believe that your loved one has been “cured” when they receive the all-clear from a rehab. Be vigilant and know the signs of relapse because, unfortunately, many people have a relapse within the first year of recovery. 

10. Let them take charge

Though you may want to protect your loved one, remember that help can be offered only to an extent. Eventually, they will need to take charge of their lives. It is healthy to let them be comfortable with the fact that they struggle with addiction. Accepting is the first form of taking responsibility. 

Recovery Affirmations For The New Year

Words have power, and positive affirmations are a way to use them to your benefit. Positive affirmations are statements we repeat to ourselves to encourage and motivate. They can be particularly helpful for people in recovery from drug addiction as they can reinforce a positive mindset while also deprogramming negative thoughts and behaviors. Here are 5 positive affirmations for addiction recovery that are perfect for starting the new year:

1. “I am in control of my recovery and my life.”

I am in control affirmation.

In addiction recovery, the concept of ‘control’ can be a conflicting one. Anyone who has experienced addiction knows what it feels like to be powerless in the face of a craving; Alcohol Anonymous’ ubiquitous Twelve Steps are all about relinquishing control (and admitting that you might not have had any to begin with). 

Because of this, it’s common for people in recovery to leave treatment with a feeling of a loss of agency. In turn, this can make an individual more susceptible to feeling helpless in moments of hardship and put them at a greater risk of relapse.

It’s important to recognize that while addicted, you might not have had full control over your thoughts and actions in the past, but the new, sober you certainly does. This means taking ownership of your mistakes and setbacks but also taking pride in all the positive actions taken.

2. “I am strong and capable of overcoming challenges.”

I am strong affirmation.

Recovery is no picnic and there are going to be a fair share of hurdles your way. As you enter the new year, have confidence in your ability to face any and all challenges that come your way. 

Remember, overcoming challenges on your sober journey isn’t something you have to do on your own. You likely have the support of your friends and family, the comradery of your peer support group, and healthy new coping mechanisms from therapy. Know that you have all the resources you need to get through recovery rough patches.

3. “I am deserving of a fulfilling and satisfying life”

I am deserving affirmation.

The persisting stigma around addiction can make it feel like there’s a wall between you and other people and that you don’t belong in the spaces you aspire to be. Whether those spaces are high education, a career you enjoy, or becoming a parent, addiction doesn’t make you ineligible for those major life milestones.

Recognize that you are only human and that making mistakes is an inevitable part of the human experience. Nothing you have done in the past warrants that you deprive yourself of a second chance and a new life that you can be proud of. 

4. “I am worthy of love, respect, and happiness.”

I am worthy affirmation.

Addiction can often bring about feelings of guilt. This might leave you thinking that you don’t deserve forgiveness from friends, family, and peers, or deserve it when good things happen to you. Such thinking can lead to self-sabotaging behavior that isn’t just counterproductive, it can be harmful and put you on a path toward relapse. 

In addition to having your fundamental needs met (shelter, warmth, food), you are equally deserving to feel accepted and comfortable in your community.

5. “I am grateful for the progress I have made in my recovery.”

I am grateful affirmation.

Gratitude is the act of being thankful. It means taking notice of both big and little things that we might otherwise overlook and take for granted. This positive emotion is linked to greater happiness, health, relationships, and overall well-being

Considering how bumpy the road to recovery can sometimes be, being able to appreciate the ups is really important to maintaining motivation to stay sober. Think about it. If all you think about are the missteps, backtracks, or failures, you’re going to get discouraged pretty quickly. Maintaining an attitude of gratitude will go a long way towards staying sober. 

How to use positive affirmations for recovery

Positive affirmations might seem cheesy at first, but repeating these positive phrases will help you eventually internalize them. You are what you tell yourself and this can help end those nasty negative thoughts. 

It can be helpful to write these New Year’s quotes for recovery down. Keep them somewhere highly visible such as sticky notes on your bathroom mirror or as the background of your mobile phone. Repeat these affirmations to yourself regularly, in the morning when you wake up and before you go to bed, but especially when you are feeling low or overwhelmed. 

Repeat these phrases in earnest and you could see amazing results. If you’re having a hard time picturing the new sober you, attend a local AA meeting to find living examples of people who were once in your same situation and have since come out on the other side.