Author: Find Recovery Editorial Team

The Find Recovery Editorial Team includes content experts that contribute to this online publication. Editors and recovery experts review our blogs carefully for accuracy and relevance. We refer to authority organizations such as SAMHSA and NIDA for the latest research, data, and news to provide our readers with the most up-to-date addiction and recovery-related content.

4 Ways to Help an Alcoholic Spouse

Alcohol is one of the most commonly used drugs in the world. At least half of all Americans aged 12 and up report themselves to be drinkers. Unsurprisingly, alcohol addiction is one of the most common types of addiction, which in 2019 was estimated to be 14.5 million Americans. But the consequences of alcoholism don’t only affect the drinkers themselves. All too frequently, alcoholism has financial, emotional, and even physical impacts on those closest to the addicted person. One out of every five families reports drinking being a source of trouble in the family and spouses often bear the brunt of this burden. If you suspect that your wife or husband might have a drinking problem, here’s how to help an alcoholic spouse and hopefully salvage the relationship as well.

1. Recognize the signs

Alcoholism is a progressive disease that quickly gets worse once it takes hold. The best way to help an alcoholic husband or wife is to recognize it in as early a stage as possible. By the time a person’s alcoholism is obvious enough to be noticed by others, they are usually very far along. 

Look for behavioral changes to identify the early signs of a potential drinking problem. A spouse who claims they need a drink to do an activity (like going to sleep, talking to people, or being intimate) is a huge red flag. If they leave group settings to drink in private–or frequently drink on their own–this secretive behavior could indicate they know their drinking habits are abnormal and are purposefully trying to hide it from others. Be sure to keep an eye out if they’re drinking more frequently and at inappropriate times (e.g. morning at breakfast, before or during work).

The longer an alcohol addiction goes unchecked, the more severe impacts will be had on brain function. Memory, emotional regulation, cognition, and rational thinking ability are all impaired and make it even more difficult to speak to an alcoholic about their drinking problem.

2. Don’t be an enabler

Whether your spouse is in the early or late stages of alcoholism, enabling them is something that should absolutely be avoided by all means. This can mean making excuses for their behavior (either to others or themselves), cleaning up after their mistakes (such as legal or financial trouble), lending them money, or even buying them alcohol directly–actions that allow the person to continue their drinking habits or removes them from facing the consequences of their actions.  

Many of those who try to help their alcoholic spouses are well-intentioned. They feel they’re doing the right thing, that they are being a loyal partner and that their continued sacrifice or compassion will get through to their loved one. Unfortunately, enabling accomplishes nothing except for making a bad situation worse. Continuously bailing their spouse out of tough situations removes them from responsibility. Without having to deal with the consequences, they have little incentive to change their destructive ways. Pair this with their impaired ability to make rational decisions and increased impulsivity and you’ve got a dangerous recipe that all but guarantees their outlandish drinking-related drama will continue.

3. Join a support group

Loving an alcoholic often comes with a tremendous emotional burden. Their spouses are often left to deal with ongoing feelings of guilt, anger, or hopelessness when pleas for their partner to change fall on deaf ears. Similar to the support groups for alcoholics, Alcoholics Anonymous, there are also support groups for the loved ones of alcoholics. Al-Anon is an organization closely related to AA that is a place where friends and family of those with drinking problems can gather to offer advice and support to one another. 

Using slightly modified versions of the 12 Steps of AA, Al-Anon helps members work through those feelings. It teaches them healthy coping mechanisms as well as how to come to term with their partner’s addiction. It also provides advice on how to live with an alcoholic and how to support them before, during, and after their addiction treatment process.

There are chapters all around the world and very likely, in your local area. Find an Al-Anon group meeting today with this helpful directory that allows you to search by state and city. 

4. Get professional help

Substance abuse is not simply an issue of willpower or desire. It is a series of physiological and psychological transformations that causes the brain and body to require the drug to function. This is what leads us to crave the substances that are so harmful to us. As such, if your spouse is an alcoholic they’ll more than likely need professional help to overcome their addiction. There are many types of programs and treatments that are specially designed to treat (and hopefully reverse) the effects of alcoholism. Find an addiction treatment center near you today.

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What Do AA Sponsors Do & Why You Need One

Those who have been through the 12 steps of AA know that sponsors can play a vital role in a recovering alcoholic or addict’s sobriety. Having a sponsor is one of those things people instantly associate with a 12-step recovery program. The role of a sponsor is very helpful, especially for beginners. But, what exactly do AA sponsors do? And is there an alternative figure you can choose instead? Read on to learn about the role of the sponsor and its importance in your recovery journey. 

What is an AA Sponsor?

Sponsorship is a relationship in which one person, the sponsor, helps another person, the sponsee, work a recovery program from alcoholism. It’s also called a “sponsor-sponsee relationship.”

A sponsor is someone who’s been through the problems and frustrations of drinking themselves. They completed the 12 steps and found recovery, sharing what they’ve discovered with others. The goal is to grow together and work as accountable figures in each other’s lives. 

The sponsor’s role is to help the sponsee through the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. This is usually a long-term commitment and can be lifelong if both parties agree. A sponsor isn’t an instructor, adviser, or therapist, but rather a fellow addict who understands what it’s like to be caught in the grip of alcoholism and has risen above it by using the twelve steps. The sponsor has no professional qualifications for this role, meaning if the sponsee fails to take responsibility for themselves, it isn’t the sponsor’s fault. 

The AA Sponsorship Book

A sponsor is an AA member who has been sober for some time and is committed to helping another alcoholic by providing advice and support during their recovery. They are your support system in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (the “Big Book”).

While there isn’t an AA sponsorship book that guides people through the role, sponsors are encouraged to follow the traditions in the Big Book. They can bring their experiences to the table for the sake of saving yours and their sobriety. They can only do that by ensuring they’re helping you while also staying active in their recovery. 

How to Ask Someone to be Your AA Sponsor

Everyone needs different qualities from their sponsor. Some recovering addicts respond well to “tough love,” while others prefer more understanding. When looking for a sponsor, think about these qualities:

  • Someone you can relate to
  • They have the kind of life you want to achieve in recovery, meaning you look up to them
  • They are honest and have integrity
  • They’ve been sober and are willing to share their experience with others
  • Someone with the time and disposition to be helpful and available

When you find that person, here are some ways to ask them to be your AA sponsor:

  • Do you already have a sponsee? If so, how many?
  • What motivated you to get sober?
  • Do you have any expectations from me?
  • Do you live far?
  • What motivates you to be a sponsor?
  • Would you do a trial sponsor-sponsee relationship to see if we’re a match?
  • Would you like to be my AA sponsor? 

When to Get a Sponsor?

Getting a sponsor is encouraged from the very beginning. Some people get a sponsor early on in the hopes they can help them navigate the steps. Others wait until they complete the 12-steps to seek an accountability buddy to help them recover. In the end, there’s no right or wrong timeline for seeking a sponsor. Much like in rehab, every sobriety journey is unique. 

Get the Help You Need

Whether you’re starting your recovery journey or you’ve been sober for some time, an AA sponsor is a key figure in your journey. Continue to attend meetings even after completing the steps, stay in touch with your sponsor, and don’t lose track of your therapist. 

Recovery from addiction is a lifelong journey that involves your active commitment. Don’t hesitate to seek help or reach out for help whenever you feel you might relapse. And, even if you do relapse, remember that it isn’t a failure but a setback. With the right support, you’ll get back on track in no time. 

Sources:

https://www.aa.org/questions-and-answers-sponsorship

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A Brief Guide to Working the 12 Steps of Al-Anon

Working the 12 Steps of Al-Anon gives you a chance to accompany loved ones as they discover a way to get their lives back on track. The program is designed to guide those affected by another person’s drinking toward a more healthy, productive life centered on the individual’s needs, not their loved ones. If you’re new to Al-Anon, this brief guide will explain what to expect and work the steps. 

What Is Al-Anon?

Al-Anon is an alternative support group for those affected by someone else’s drinking. It follows a very similar structure to the famous 12-steps from Alcoholics Anonymous. However, in Al-Anon, the steps are meant to help families and loved ones of alcohol addicts. Keep reading if you’re interested in working the steps alongside your parents or spouse.

Al-Anon 12 Steps & Traditions

Al-Anon is a mutual support group for family members and friends of alcoholics. Al-Anon suggests its members use the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous as a guide to overcoming alcoholism. These steps are designed to help alcoholics achieve and maintain sobriety by assisting them in understanding how they became dependent on alcohol, why they refuse to stop drinking, and how they can overcome those tendencies in themselves.

12-Steps

Al-Anon recommends that its members work all of the original 12 Steps with its suggested modifications for the sake of their recovery from codependency. The 12 Steps are:

  1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
  2. We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
  3. We decided to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
  4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
  5. We admitted to God, ourselves, and another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
  6. We’re entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
  7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
  8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
  9. We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when injured them or others.
  10. Continued to take personal inventory and promptly admitted it when we were wrong.
  11. We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
  12. Having had a spiritual awakening due to these steps, we tried to carry this message to others and practice these principles in all our affairs.

12 Traditions

  1. Our common welfare should come first; personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity.
  2. There is but one authority for our group purpose — a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants—they do not govern.
  3. The relatives of alcoholics, when gathered together for mutual aid, may call themselves an Al-Anon Family Group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation. The only requirement for membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend.
  4. Each group should be autonomous, except in matters affecting another group or Al-Anon or AA as a whole.
  5. Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps of AA ourselves, encouraging and understanding our alcoholic relatives, and welcoming and comforting families of alcoholics.
  6. Our Family Groups ought never to endorse, finance, or lend our name to any outside enterprise, lest money, property, and prestige problems divert us from our primary spiritual aim. Although a separate entity, we should always cooperate with Alcoholics Anonymous.
  7. Every group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.
  8. Al-Anon Twelfth Step work should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers.
  9. Our groups, as such, ought never to be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.
  10. The Al-Anon Family Groups have no opinion on outside issues; hence our name ought never to be drawn into public controversy.
  11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we must always maintain personal anonymity at the press, radio, films, and TV. We need to guard with special care the anonymity of all AA members.
  12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles above personalities.

Working the 12 Steps of Al-Anon

Although the steps and traditions seem to be written for the alcoholic, they also reflect on the family. When the first step says, “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol,” it means that the family cannot take responsibility for their loved one’s drinking. Working the Al-Anon steps is about rethinking the family unit after alcoholism. It encourages the family also to find forgiveness, hope, and a path towards recovery. 

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5 NA Prayers You Should Know

Narcotics Anonymous has a spiritual element that is interwoven with the foundation of 12-step programs. Prayers are often used as reminders and encouragement for the journey of sobriety.

Unveiling the Five Vital Prayers of NA

There are over a dozen prayers used in Narcotics Anonymous (there are prayers that correlate with each of the 12 steps, and then some). Still, a particular few are regularly recited at NA meetings and are, therefore, the most important to know. In this article, we’ll explain the meanings behind the five most common NA prayers and their significance of on your recovery journey.

1. NA Third Step Prayer

“Take my will and my life, guide me in my recovery, show me how to live.”

The companion to one of the most well-known and cited of the 12 Steps, the Third Step prayer is all about relinquishing control and placing trust in a Higher Power. A higher power doesn’t have to have a religious tie. It can be a person that motivates you, a positive feeling you want to sustain, or even a passion of yours that you want to maintain the ability to pursue, like music. It can be whatever you deem to be a motivating enough force to keep you on track for sobriety. 

2. NA Service Prayer

“GOD, grant us knowledge that we may act* according to Your Divine precepts. Instill in us a sense of Your purpose. Make us servants of Your will and grant us a bond of selflessness, that this may truly be Your work, not ours —in order that no addict, anywhere, need die from the horrors of addiction.”

(Note: The word “act” is sometimes substituted for “work” or “write”.)

The Service Prayer emphasizes the importance of a higher power on the journey of overcoming addiction. Despite the direct reference to God, the key NA prayer isn’t necessarily religious. Instead, it simply highlights the importance of having this entity–whatever it may be–guiding our thoughts and actions rather than ourselves. The reasoning behind this is that since we got ourselves into the snarl of addiction, we can’t entrust ourselves alone to get out of this situation.

3. NA Gratitude Prayer

“My gratitude speaks, when I care and when I share with others the N.A. way.”

This comes from the Basic Text of Narcotics Anonymous (a piece of literature written about the essential nature of addiction), which opens the ‘Our Members Share’ section of the book. Gratitude is important because it inherently involves mindfulness and taking stock of what one has and what one has accomplished. Without this, it is easy to feel that progress has stalled when one loses sight of where they’ve come from or from a feeling of entitlement. 

Recognizing that nothing is a given means appreciating everything in both good and bad moments. Although gratitude is a spiritual principle, it also requires action. It’s not enough to say that you’re grateful. This sentiment is displayed through the service and sponsorship of others. This prayer reminds us to be a positive force in the lives of others as a way to honor all the support and forgiveness that it took to get us where we are today. 

4. NA Recovery Prayer

“We cannot change the nature of the addict or addiction. We can help to change the old lie “Once an addict, always an addict,” by striving to make recovery more available. God, help us to remember this difference.”

It is also sometimes referred to as the Basic Text prayer, as this can be found in the preface of the Basic Text of Narcotics Anonymous. This harkens to the original thought of Alcoholics Anonymous that addiction isn’t curable, but it can be made manageable. Pair this with NA’s definition of an addict as a person whose life is controlled by drugs. This prayer is a reminder that recovering addicts will always be perceptible to the risk of falling back into addiction, but that doesn’t mean that they’re powerless against those substances. 

5. Serenity Prayer

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

The Serenity Prayer is the most commonly incited in both Narcotics Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous; It is used to open and close out NA meetings and is said at large-scale Narcotics Anonymous conferences. Accredited to Reinhold Niebuhr, this prayer (the lines included above are merely an excerpt of what’s normally recited) serves as a focal point because it embodies the fundamental principles of Narcotics Anonymous–having trust, and being open to accepting help–which are ultimately the same principles for addiction treatment as a whole. 

Letting Go of Control In NA

The desire for control is believed to be the biggest roadblock in overcoming addiction. Giving up this desire and trusting control to external sources (whether they’re God, a higher power, or a more earthly cause) is key to unlearning the behaviors and mindset that got a person into their situation in the first place.

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22 New Year’s Resolutions for Recovering Addicts

Like it or not, the new year is almost upon us. The end of the old and the start of the new marks a symbolic juncture–one that’s all about wiping slates clean, self-improvement, and looking towards the future with optimism.  While turning over a new leaf isn’t always easy or pleasant–a truth that recovering addicts have intimate knowledge of–it’s always worth it. In honor of 2022, here are 22 (realistic) New Year’s resolutions for those who are on the challenging but rewarding path of overcoming addiction. 

22 Realistic New Year’s Resolutions

  1. Don’t worry about things you can’t control
  2. Celebrate the big and small victories
  3. Find a positive take or a lesson to be learned from setbacks
  4. Learn a new hobby (or several!)
  5. Drink a cup of water first thing after waking up
  6. Incorporate 10 minutes of yoga or meditation into your morning routine
  7. Journal daily for 15 minutes at the end of each day
  8. Complete one kind act for a stranger each day
  9. Attend group 12 step meetings at least once a week
  10. Cook a new recipe once a week
  11. Say aloud 5 things that you’re grateful for at the start of each day
  12. Stick to bedtime or get at least 7 hours of sleep each night
  13. Stand for a few minutes each (waking) hour
  14. Set aside a few dollars a week towards savings
  15. Check-in with loved ones weekly
  16. Limit your scrolling on social media
  17. Give more compliments
  18. Take the stairs instead of the elevator whenever possible
  19. Update your resume or LinkedIn profile
  20. Try a community college or online course
  21. Take yourself on dates once a month
  22. Set specific rewards for specific milestones (and then do them!)

How To Use NYE Resolutions To Stay Sober

Resolutions can be a great source of motivation if you go about them the right way. Set goals that are too broad or too lofty and you risk setting yourself up for disappointment–a surefire way to lose momentum. Instead, the key is to create realistic resolutions that contribute towards a bigger goal.

Say for example that your New Year’s resolution is the universal desire of all recovering addicts: To stay sober. It’s a noble resolve, but one that is far from a small undertaking. The stroke of midnight won’t suddenly make staying sober easier or magically endow you with unwavering willpower. Nothing about that generic resolution puts you in the position to think or act in a way that improves your likelihood of fulfilling that desire. A good resolution is something actionable and achievable like writing down five reasons why you initially became sober whenever you feel the urge to use again. 

When coming up with NYE resolutions on your own, construct them so that they are:

  • Actionable rather than passive
  • Specific, with precise outcomes in mind
  • Measurable, either quantitative (numbers-based) or qualitative (determined by quality of state of being)
  • Timely and have a precise deadline

Use these criteria as a guideline for determining whether your proposed resolutions are too vague or abstract. Where possible, add (realistic) details to these resolutions such as certain time limits or a particular time of day.

What’s The Difference Between a Resolution and a Goal?

Technically, resolutions and goals are different. Resolutions are the firm decision to do (or not do) something, while goals are more like end-objectives, the desired result of a person’s ambition or effort. 

Examples of Goals vs Resolutions

  • I want to get in shape vs. I will exercise 30 minutes every day after work
  • I want to lose weight vs. I will not eat out more than once per week
  • I want to save $10,000 vs. I will save $200 per paycheck

One helpful way to think about the difference between resolutions and goals is that resolutions serve as the stepping stones that can lead to an overarching goal. When crafting your NYE resolutions, keep your goals as a recovering addict at the forefront of your thoughts. But ultimately, there’s no harm in sprinkling your resolutions with a few of your goals. Include whatever it takes to keep you motivated. 

Ready For The New You?

Whether you’re a recovering addict that recently embarked on their journey or has been dutifully working towards sobriety for decades now, the New Year is an important reminder that it’s never too late to make a positive change. The best way to actually stick to resolutions is to enlist the help of others, especially those with similar goals. Find a 12 steps group near you, today, to find like-minded individuals that have been in your shoes and can hold you accountable.

Happy new year!

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Does Narcotics Anonymous Really Work?

Narcotics Anonymous (NA) is a 12-step program for people with drug addictions to find peer support. For many, NA is their first step into addiction recovery. However, these peer groups don’t count on the guidance and instructions of a licensed therapist. Because of this, some people believe Narcotics Anonymous doesn’t work to treat severe substance use disorders. Read on to learn more about NA and how it plays a significant role in the addiction recovery journey. 

What Is Narcotics Anonymous?

Narcotics Anonymous started in 1953 as an organization to help people recovering from drug addiction. It follows a similar 12-step program to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and even shares many of the same principles and practices. NA focuses on creating a community where people with substance use can help each other on the road to recovery. 

NA uses a book called the “Basic Text.” This book serves as a guide for recovery and advice for members. Like in other 12-step programs, NA members are encouraged to work with a sponsor to help them work the 12 steps. 

How Does Narcotics Anonymous Work?

Most NA meetings are public to anyone who wants to stop using drugs. While they focus primarily on narcotics, they don’t distinguish between any type of drugs, including alcohol. Any person struggling with a substance use disorder who wants to recover is welcome. 

Meetings are either discussion or speaker meetings. In the first ones, members share their stories of addiction, their recovery, and the struggles they’ve experienced. In speaker meetings, one or more members – usually one who have been sober – are asked to share their experiences with the group. 

New attendees are never required to share, and people are encouraged to share as much or as little as they feel comfortable with. Each meeting follows a step from the 12-step program and allows for a safe space for members to share their experiences. 

Does Narcotics Anonymous Work?

Statistics show that “community-based” or free-standing programs treat 53 percent of all drug abusers seeking recovery. About 42% of people found programs like AA helpful. However, in most cases (85%), people stopped NA attendance for a month or longer. Some studies give NA meetings an 8 out of 10 in how helpful they’re for their recovery and sobriety. Almost 25% of individuals wanted to rehab on their own—still, long-term studies are limited. Furthermore, most of the effectiveness of Narcotics Anonymous and other programs is based on perception. Because of this, experts agree that NA can help support the recovery process, but there’s limited evidence to prove it always works. 

The latest findings report the median length of abstinence by AA and NA members to be greater than five years. Of those, about 55% of NA members maintained abstinence for more than five years.

The Pros

  • Provides a sense of structure and community that can benefit those in recovery.
  • It gives people the tools to help navigate sobriety. 
  • Provides the opportunity to attend meetings online and worldwide.
  • NA meetings are free and often involve no cost or processes for the addict.
  • Works as an aftercare program that can promote sobriety and recovery.

The Cons

  • Success rates for 12-step programs are varied among studies and members.
  • The treatment approach is rooted in placing the responsibility of sobriety on the addict.
  • Meetings aren’t led by a licensed therapist or counselor.
  • NA meetings often follow philosophies rooted in religious beliefs that don’t align with all members. 
  • Lacks emphasizes the physical aspects of recovery, including detox and withdrawal symptoms. 

Finding NA Meetings Near You

If you are ready to start your recovery from drugs or alcohol, NA meetings are a great way to start. There are local NA helplines and websites that list the available meetings. Nowadays, you can also find virtual meetings happening almost 24/7. 

It’s easy to find meetings that align with your specific needs. For example, sessions for women only, men only, and even meetings structured for the LGBTQ+ population. These focused meetings can be helpful as they provide you with access to a supportive environment that understands your struggles and experiences. 

Getting Help for Narcotics Addiction

It’s possible to find recovery for addiction. Narcotics Anonymous meetings alone are usually not enough to help you beat addiction. If you or someone you know is dealing with drug addiction, contact your healthcare provider. You’ll find the support you need to achieve recovery through comprehensive, evidence-based therapies alongside group support meetings. 

Sources:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3140338/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK230393/

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10 Common Narcotics Anonymous Meeting Topics

Although individual therapy is at the core of addiction treatment, Narcotics Anonymous meetings and support group meetings are vital for recovery. Still, many are intimidated by the meeting topics and subject matters in these meetings.

Navigating Narcotics Anonymous: Common Meeting Topics

While each NA meeting will cover different topics, they follow a similar structure and allow you to share as much or as little as you want. Here are some of the most common NA meeting topics to think about. 

1. The 12-Steps

First and foremost, these meetings will talk about the 12 steps. The 12 steps of NA differ from AA’s, with each step beginning with “we” instead of “I.” These meetings are more about members recovering together. Expect each session to follow one of these steps and focus on the different learnings and topics discussed in each step. This is perhaps the most common topic in most NA meetings, and it’s at least partially addressed in every session. 

2. Keeping the Faith When Addiction Recovery Gets Tough

Like AA, Narcotics Anonymous also focuses on having faith in a higher power. This topic focuses on faith, hope, and how to start cultivating a relationship with that higher power. Contrary to popular belief, this higher power figure doesn’t have to be religious or spiritual. It can be anything that recovering addicts believe in. 

3. Facing Fears and Redefine Bravery

The most controversial and challenging topic to discuss in NA meetings is the topic of fear. In step 4, people are asked to do a written inventory of their past. The idea is to confront those character defects and face them. When discussing fear, meetings will discuss how to be courageous and redefine bravery as a valuable tool in recovery.

4. Exploring Shortcomings

The shortcomings topic is highly related to the higher power previously discussed. The idea is that after recognizing character defects, you can now figure out how to remove these defects to move forward. It explores the concept of humility and how you’ll be able to explore shortcomings in your recovery journey without giving up. 

5. Finding Forgiveness in Addiction

There’s a lot of blame for addiction. You blame yourself. You blame your family. You blame your environment. It’s easy to pinpoint the responsibility to something or someone. However, in most NA meetings, you’ll hear the topic of forgiveness, self-compassion, and willingness to move on. It’s important to forgive oneself to show actual progress and focus on the things you can control.

6. Making Amends in your Addiction Journey

Responsibility is by far the most common topic in NA meetings. In step number 9, you’re asked to make direct amends to people wherever possible. Nonetheless, the topic of amends is challenging for most people as it means going through the amends process and potentially receiving backlash throughout the process. Living your amends and moving forward can be scary for most people. This is why NA meetings try to discuss this topic as a group.

7. Self-Awareness

Not everyone recognizes this, but NA meetings give participants different tools for self-awareness that work as coping mechanisms. Prayer, meditation, and spirituality can be incredible tools to have in someone’s recovery journey. These tools can help prevent relapse and teach people how to navigate the early recovery days.

8. Goals for Addiction Recovery

Everyone has different goals in recovery. To promote acceptance and hope, many meetings will discuss short- and long-term goals. Sharing them in a group environment can help develop a sense of accountability and responsibility. It also sets the stage for an encouraging community to help everyone achieve their goals.

9. Taking Action in Treatment

Some people call it action. Others call it commitment. But, this topic is all about daily inventory and taking corrective actions as needed to stay in check. Those in early recovery will have to face complex challenges that can be tempting. Action helps them keep in check and keep the slate clean to keep working through the steps. 

10. Honesty

The topic of honesty is discussed in several of the 12 steps, and it’s an essential topic in group meetings. It’s about seeing clearly what you need to change about yourself and having the integrity to do so. But, most importantly, it’s about trusting the process and your progress. While not everyone’s journey is the same, you have to trust that you’re taking the proper steps for yourself.

Embracing Supporting Communities in Narcotics Anonymous

Narcotics Anonymous meetings and group therapy meetings are paramount for long-lasting recovery. As part of a comprehensive addiction treatment plan, group meetings help build a sense of belonging while promoting a healing and supportive environment. 

Sources: 

https://www.aa.org/assets/en_us/smf-56_en.pdf

https://na-in-place.org/lghg/prompts2.pdf

https://www.na.org/?ID=IDT-IDT

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The True History of Narcotics Anonymous

Since its establishment in 1935, Alcoholics Anonymous and its famous 12 steps have become ubiquitous with addiction treatment and recovery. It marked the tide of a new model of addiction. No longer was drug use and abuse a moral failing of the individuals afflicted, but a medical condition that was rooted in science and required treatment–not punishment–to fix. Despite this important shift in attitude, there was still a lingering stigma against drug users, especially those of the illegal or “hard” variety. Thus, Narcotics Anonymous was born.      

What Is Narcotics Anonymous and Why Was It Created?

Peer-based recovery groups offer support, advice, and a judgment-free space for addicted persons to overcome their addictions. Since Alcoholics Anonymous’ creation, it’s inspired dozens of other similar groups dedicated to other specific types of addictions such as gambling or eating. One of the most well-known, however, is another support group dedicated to substance addiction: Narcotics Anonymous. While it bears a number of similarities to its predecessor, NA was created with a specific intent for a very specific group of addicted persons, with modified literature to better meet the needs of those addicted to substances aside from alcohol.

The Origins of Narcotics Anonymous

In 1939 in Lexington, Kentucky, there was a doctor named Tom who struggled with alcohol addiction and later, a morphine addiction. A member of Alcoholics Anonymous, he found great success with the group for both addictions, and was one of the first instances where a person overcame a drug addiction through AA. Word spread quickly, and the influx of interest from other drug addicted persons made Tom realize the need for an approach that was specialized for other types of drug users, not just alcohol. 

Early NA Formation and Expansion

In 1947, with the permission and support of Alcoholics Anonymous, Tom and a handful of other Alcoholics Anonymous members who had other types of drug addiction established a new group called Addicts Anonymous. The group’s member base and reputation was rapidly expanding. By 1949, a second Addicts Anonymous chapter was created in New York City. It was with the creation of this second group where the name Narcotics Anonymous arose, in order to differentiate itself from the already well established AA of Alcoholics Anonymous. However, The formation of the chapter in California in 1953 is credited with being the year that Narcotics Anonymous was founded.

The Break

Why is it that the organization wasn’t considered to be founded until its Los Angeles group was created? In short, there was a splintering between the two organizations, namely because of the two different types of addictions. Alcohol addicts often opposed the presence and participation of drug addicts, and the leaders of AA took issue with the changes and lack of emphasis on alcohol in the new group’s modification of the traditions and steps. In 1953, Alcoholics Anonymous cemented the group’s unaligned interests by publishing their decision that AA was not a place for “narcotic or barbiturate” addicts.  

Without a shadow of a doubt that Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous were no longer bound under the same entity, Jimmy K., one of the founders of the first Narcotics Anonymous group in Los Angeles, was named as president of the now independent organization. A new purpose was issued, as well as the modified Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. These changes led to one of the most distinctive differences between the two organizations. Whereas Alcoholics Anonymous was focused on specific substances (namely alcohol), Narcotics Anonymous’ identity was based around the overcoming of addiction itself–which was a term that was rarely used in AA. 

NA Logo Meaning & Symbolism

The Narcotics Anonymous logo is a square within a circle, sometimes with the letters “NA” featured boldly in the center. The outer circle is meant to represent a comprehensive and “total” program that can fully encompass the needs of a recovering person. The square, which is tilted on a point, represents the goodwill that serves as the base of the organization. 

It also takes a literal meaning within NA’s symbolism as the square also acts as the base of a 3D pyramid of which each side of the square has a meaning: Self, Society, Service, and God. These segments join at the top to create the pinnacle of the pyramid which represents freedom. If you’re curious and want to learn more about Narcotics Anonymous, find an NA group meeting near you, today. 

Sources:

https://www.jscimedcentral.com/Addiction/addiction-5-1036.pdf

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcotics_Anonymous

https://na.org/admin/include/spaw2/uploads/pdf/FTP/English/Issue%20Discussion%20Topics/Leadership/Our%20Symbol.pdf

Shame & Alcoholism: How to Cope With It

Shame is an automatic emotion that responds to a sense of failure. It’s a feeling many struggling with substance use disorders know a bit too well. Over time, shame disconnects individuals from the world around them, and it’s one of the things that fuels the secrecy and isolation commonly associated with alcoholism. In fact, different studies show that people who experience shame tend to experience more drinking-related consequences. After all, the tendency to use alcohol to reduce negative emotions is a very common coping mechanism. 

What Exactly Is Toxic Shame?

Toxic shame is a feeling of hopelessness. It can arise from others’ negative emotions, making you feel useless or not as good as others. Unlike guilt, shame makes you believe you’re not enough – a feeling alcoholics can recognize. While we all experience shame at some point in our lives, shame becomes toxic when the feeling stays with us. Toxic shame can result in two responses:

  • Withdrawal: You might feel inferior or not good enough to do something or be surrounded by others, so you want to withdraw and isolate yourself. 
  • Anger: Because you’re experiencing pain, it’s easy to feel anger against others and sometimes even yourself, particularly if your shame comes from your alcohol use disorder.

To cope with toxic shame, people turn to substance abuse, eating disorders, and self-harm. These unhealthy coping mechanisms provide an escape from emotional pain or the inability to face your true self. Other people develop perfectionist behaviors and have unrealistic expectations to avoid feeling or being shamed again. 

The Connection Between Shame and Addiction

Lots of people who struggle with alcohol use disorder have experienced trauma or dysfunction in their lives. Growing up with toxic shame can cause people to develop skewed images of themselves that can easily motivate them to seek comfort in substances. 

Unfortunately, the connection between shame and addiction creates a vicious cycle that can be tough to break. Studies show that shame could follow when people experience failure to meet role expectations due to their drinking habits. For example, an alcoholic can get into a public argument or miss work after a day of binge drinking. Such events can result in shame and can fuel more drinking as a coping mechanism to detach from the feelings of shame. 

This vicious cycle exacerbates anxiety and depression that makes addiction even worse to manage. Similar studies have proved the connection between shame and addiction. One study found that students who perceived themselves as drinking more than their peers experienced shame after drinking. In turn, it also increased drinking over time. This study shows that shame can be a trigger and a consequence of excessive drinking, at least for some people. 

How to Deal With Toxic Shame

It’s possible to overcome shame and alcoholism. Many alcohol addiction treatment programs focus on addressing feelings of shame and guilt. It’s also a matter of practicing self-compassion, self-awareness, and having patience. Here are some tips to overcome shame:

  • Become aware of how you talk to yourself and try not to react to it; write down your thoughts to help you become more self-aware of your sabotage.
  • Practice mindfulness and medication to help you observe your thoughts and learn how to react to shame from a more positive environment. 
  • Find support groups within the recovering alcoholics’ community to receive support and caring feedback about your recovery journey. 
  • Consider starting a journal to help you express your feelings without letting them affect you directly. 
  • Recognize when you’re feeling shame and consider a positive method of coping such as meditation, affirmations, or reaching out for help. 
  • It might be worth it for toxic shame to talk to a trusted therapist who can help you unwind previous trauma that could contribute to your shame and alcohol use disorder. 

Overcoming Shame In Addiction Recovery

Toxic shame is a prevalent relapse trigger. People in addiction recovery often struggle with feelings of shame, and that can hinder their progress. You must remember we all experience shame, guilt, and self-doubt. If you’re struggling with shame, seek help and speak up. Individual counseling or group therapy with an addiction specialist can help you cope and manage shame in recovery. 

Both therapy modalities will give you a safe space to dive deep into your experiences to help you identify the source of your toxic shame. Through different healing methods, you can work alongside a therapist and peers to find new ways to control these unhealthy thoughts and eventually learn the mechanisms and skills to prevent a relapse episode. 

Alcoholism in Marriage: How to Cope When You’re Married to an Alcoholic

Being married to an alcoholic or even a recovering alcoholic can understandably lead to feelings of stress and hopelessness. When alcoholism and marriage coincide, a lot happens among both parties and the family. As you might know, alcohol use disorder affects the entire family and suddenly changes the family dynamics. When you’re married to someone with a substance use disorder, you might feel lost and scared about your relationship’s future. Keep reading to learn how to cope when you’re married to an alcoholic and how to be a supportive partner.

Alcoholism and Marriage

Someone with an alcohol use disorder makes drinking their priority, pushing other people and other things to the side. It’s common for marriages with alcoholic
partners to get into physical altercations, struggle with financial difficulties, and place strain on all family members.

Estimates believe between 10% to 45% of marriages in the United States are alcoholic marriages. Over time, researchers have studied the effects of alcoholism in marriage and found that:

  • Alcoholics are by far less likely to marry than nonalcoholic
  • Alcoholics who get married often either do so earlier or later than nonalcoholic
  • Recovering alcoholics are likely to reduce their alcohol use once married
  • Alcoholics are more likely to get divorced than nonalcoholic

Alcohol abuse can contribute to marital conflict, infidelity, domestic violence, unplanned pregnancy, and financial instability. Not to mention, it places a layer of stress and psychological strain that can be burdensome for anyone.

How Alcoholism Affects the Family Dynamics

Alcoholism can increase rates of divorce by at least 20%. It also increases irrational actions, including domestic abuse. Alcoholism in marriage can also cause significant distress, anger, resentment, dysfunctional communication, and mental health strain.

Today, about 1 in every 8 children grow up in a home where a parent or caregiver abuses drugs or alcohol. Being around alcoholism can also affect how children function later in life. In the short term, children may develop indifferent or demanding behaviors. Long-term, children who grew up in alcoholic marriages can develop PTSD, anxiety, and depression. Children of addicts are more likely to develop substance use disorders when they grow up. They’re also three times more likely to be neglected physically and sexually abused.

When there’s a family unit, alcoholism significantly changes the family dynamics. First of all, nonalcoholic spouses might often blame themselves or try to control the problem by themselves. These effects will trigger a chain of reactions that can place a significant burden on any marriage.

Another interesting result of alcoholism in marriage is the dynamic of the enabler. The enabler figure often appears in families with small children. As nonalcoholic partners want their children to live in a happy and safe environment, they’re likely to make excuses and cover up the evidence of alcoholism to make the problem disappear. However, in reality, they’re enabling the alcoholic’s behavior and patterns.

Codependency is another common effect of having an alcoholic marriage. Once a partner becomes an enabler, they can become co-alcoholics by helping their loved one with their alcohol abuse without noticing. Codependency treatment is also available in rehab and can be highly effective.

Top Books On Alcoholism and Marriage to Consider

For alcoholic marriages, there are many books on alcoholism and marriage that can be helpful. These are some popular books on alcoholic marriages to consider:

Can a Marriage Survive Alcoholism?

Many marriages do survive alcoholism. The first step is to seek help and consider having an intervention. With an intervention, your loved one can hopefully recognize their need for help. In this case, it’s always best to come prepared and already have a treatment center selected. Many rehab centers will work with you in organizing the intervention. The idea is to have everything ready in case the addict accepts help.

But addiction affects everyone in the family. Since alcoholism often strains relationships, it’s important to incorporate couples counseling and family therapy as part of the treatment. Seeking help for your loved one, for yourself, and your family is important.

It’s also important to note that you’re not supposed to save anyone from addiction – it’s not your role., if ultimately you have to consider divorce, don’t blame yourself. Seek help from support groups like Al-Anon family groups, or consider speaking to an addiction counselor to find the support you need to focus on your mental health as well.

Sources:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2700350/

https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1985-04356-001