How do you help an alcoholic who doesn’t want help? That’s a challenge that many face when their loved ones succumb to alcoholism. It’s a challenging situation for everyone involved. Still, there are several things you can do to provide a positive environment that encourages seeking help.
7 Ways To Help An Alcoholic Who Refuses Help
If you’ve ever tried to help someone who is an alcoholic and they just won’t listen to what you have to say, then you might feel like giving up. Even those closest to the person suffering from alcoholism can’t get through. That said, you can still do things to help the alcoholic in your life. Below are seven approaches I’ve found beneficial when attempting to help a loved one who suffers from addiction.
1. Educate Yourself
When you speak with your struggling loved one, they should feel like you have some basis for what you’re saying. Your comments shouldn’t come off as ignorant or lacking in confidence.
The very first thing you should explore is the nature of addiction. Explore reliable sources explaining that addiction is not exactly a “choice,” as many believe. It’s a complex mental illness influenced by various factors like genes, exposure to alcoholism from a young age, social environment, and more.
Awareness of what alcoholism and addiction are in general will help you approach the conversation from a place of compassion and love.
2. Be Patient And Empathetic
As we mentioned above, love and empathy should be the primary emotions you transmit to a loved one who refuses to get help. Despite their denial, they are at least partially aware of how alcoholism affects their life and the life of their loved ones like you.
It’s important not to add to their feelings of shame, which may compound every time they relapse or can’t stay sober for long. To avoid making them feel further ashamed and embarrassed, try to make them feel heard and loved. You can try the following:
- Intently listen when they speak – don’t interrupt them
- Be curious about their feelings
- Avoid judging them harshly for bad behavior
- Imagine how they feel before giving your opinion
- Talk about how their actions make you feel
3. Don’t Be Controlling
Alcoholism is not a rational act that people can be talked out of. If it were that easy, far fewer people would be recovering alcoholics. Instead, it’s a complex illness that drives people to consume something that clouds their judgment.
Unfortunately, the decision to seek treatment and make an effort to get better must come from your loved one.
Trying to manage and control their behavior will not yield positive results. What you can do is provide support and a positive environment where they can safely decide to get help.
4. Don’t Start Arguments Or Lectures
Similar to the last point: recovering alcoholics are not being logical. As a result, lecturing them on how their actions are wrong would likely make them feel isolated and ashamed, which is the last thing you want to encourage.
It may also be hard to balance “don’t lecture them” with “don’t enable them by not pointing out any negative behavior.” There’s a middle ground where you are not starting unneeded arguments but also holding them accountable for their behavior when needed.
5. Don’t Enable Their Alcoholism
Being supportive doesn’t mean you have to let them engage in negative behavior that only deepens their addiction – basically enabling them. These are the common signs you are enabling an alcoholic:
- Ignoring or downplaying the seriousness of their addiction
- Covering up their behavior
- Taking over their responsibilities, which they neglect due to their alcoholism
- Financing them when you know they’ll use them to buy alcohol
To stop enabling them, consider the following:
- Set clear boundaries for appropriate and inappropriate behaviors
- Be ready to support them when they take steps to recover
- Don’t make excuses for their behaviors, cover up their behaviors, or take over for the responsibilities they neglect
- Don’t shield them from the personal or legal consequences of their actions
6. Stage an Intervention
Perhaps the most powerful tool you have to help an alcoholic who refuses treatment is an intervention. Ideally, you should consider speaking with an addiction specialist or an interventionist to help you arrange the meeting.
During an intervention, close friends and family members come together to express their worries about someone’s substance abuse. During this meeting, the idea is to get the person to agree to seek some form of treatment, whether checking into rehab, attending AA meetings, or speaking with a therapist.
7. Consider Legal Actions
As a last resource, you can consider legal actions. Family members can sometimes seek legal action, particularly for under-aged individuals. Many parents can force minor children (under 18) to check into rehab. Some states also have laws that allow involuntary commitment after the age of 18. While forcing someone into rehab isn’t always effective, in some cases, it might be the push someone needs to get help.
Helping a Loved One Who Refuses Treatment
When a loved one refuses help for their alcoholism, it’ll always be challenging for everyone involved.
Only they can ultimately decide to get help, and it’s challenging to feel impotent on the sidelines. What we can do is create an environment that encourages seeking help by being empathetic but not going so far as to enable their behavior.
Over time, they may conclude that they need help. And when that moment comes, you’ll be there to support them.
