Alcohol is one of the most commonly used drugs in the world. At least half of all Americans aged 12 and up report themselves to be drinkers. Unsurprisingly, alcohol addiction is one of the most common types of addiction, which in 2019 was estimated to be 14.5 million Americans. But the consequences of alcoholism don’t only affect the drinkers themselves. All too frequently, alcoholism has financial, emotional, and even physical impacts on those closest to the addicted person. One out of every five families reports drinking being a source of trouble in the family and spouses often bear the brunt of this burden. If you suspect that your wife or husband might have a drinking problem, here’s how to help an alcoholic spouse and hopefully salvage the relationship as well.
1. Recognize the signs
Alcoholism is a progressive disease that quickly gets worse once it takes hold. The best way to help an alcoholic husband or wife is to recognize it in as early a stage as possible. By the time a person’s alcoholism is obvious enough to be noticed by others, they are usually very far along.
Look for behavioral changes to identify the early signs of a potential drinking problem. A spouse who claims they need a drink to do an activity (like going to sleep, talking to people, or being intimate) is a huge red flag. If they leave group settings to drink in private–or frequently drink on their own–this secretive behavior could indicate they know their drinking habits are abnormal and are purposefully trying to hide it from others. Be sure to keep an eye out if they’re drinking more frequently and at inappropriate times (e.g. morning at breakfast, before or during work).
The longer an alcohol addiction goes unchecked, the more severe impacts will be had on brain function. Memory, emotional regulation, cognition, and rational thinking ability are all impaired and make it even more difficult to speak to an alcoholic about their drinking problem.
2. Don’t be an enabler
Whether your spouse is in the early or late stages of alcoholism, enabling them is something that should absolutely be avoided by all means. This can mean making excuses for their behavior (either to others or themselves), cleaning up after their mistakes (such as legal or financial trouble), lending them money, or even buying them alcohol directly–actions that allow the person to continue their drinking habits or removes them from facing the consequences of their actions.
Many of those who try to help their alcoholic spouses are well-intentioned. They feel they’re doing the right thing, that they are being a loyal partner and that their continued sacrifice or compassion will get through to their loved one. Unfortunately, enabling accomplishes nothing except for making a bad situation worse. Continuously bailing their spouse out of tough situations removes them from responsibility. Without having to deal with the consequences, they have little incentive to change their destructive ways. Pair this with their impaired ability to make rational decisions and increased impulsivity and you’ve got a dangerous recipe that all but guarantees their outlandish drinking-related drama will continue.
3. Join a support group
Loving an alcoholic often comes with a tremendous emotional burden. Their spouses are often left to deal with ongoing feelings of guilt, anger, or hopelessness when pleas for their partner to change fall on deaf ears. Similar to the support groups for alcoholics, Alcoholics Anonymous, there are also support groups for the loved ones of alcoholics. Al-Anon is an organization closely related to AA that is a place where friends and family of those with drinking problems can gather to offer advice and support to one another.
Using slightly modified versions of the 12 Steps of AA, Al-Anon helps members work through those feelings. It teaches them healthy coping mechanisms as well as how to come to term with their partner’s addiction. It also provides advice on how to live with an alcoholic and how to support them before, during, and after their addiction treatment process.
There are chapters all around the world and very likely, in your local area. Find an Al-Anon group meeting today with this helpful directory that allows you to search by state and city.
4. Get professional help
Substance abuse is not simply an issue of willpower or desire. It is a series of physiological and psychological transformations that causes the brain and body to require the drug to function. This is what leads us to crave the substances that are so harmful to us. As such, if your spouse is an alcoholic they’ll more than likely need professional help to overcome their addiction. There are many types of programs and treatments that are specially designed to treat (and hopefully reverse) the effects of alcoholism. Find an addiction treatment center near you today.
I don’t know if my husband’s drinking is the problem or if iI am just tired I have been sick for a long time.So sometimes I feel like it’s what I deserve. That I made him drink even though he was an alcoholic long before we met. He admits it and I starting to wonder if he doesn’t miss his.wilder days of dui and wrecking cars every weekend. He’s 62 he’s letting his hair grow out I think he wants to see if he might look he did in his 20’s. Trust me he can’t go back he has added legal weed to his nightly ritual along with the beer he starts drinking by no later than noon. I just can’t do this anymore.