Loving an addict is hard — for a lot of reasons.
Drug addiction can erode trust, communication, and self-worth, inflicting emotional hardship on all involved. However, dealing with an addicted loved one can be especially difficult in romantic relationships when both parties live together and whose lives are deeply interwoven.
Not only does the spouse of an addicted person have to grapple with their own emotions as they witness their partner intentionally harm themselves, but they must also deal with the financial burden of addiction as well.
That’s why getting help for your partner isn’t just a matter of saving their lives but also looking out for your own well-being. Doing so is easier said than done, however. Here’s how to help an addicted spouse and support their recovery journey.
What to Do to Help an Addicted Spouse
Educate yourself
The first step when seeking treatment for your spouse is to learn what treatment entails, from the treatment options available to how they work. Many facilities specialize in a certain approach (e.g., holistic, family-oriented, luxury), so there are many different options from which to choose.
It’s also important to know the different levels of care. There’s detox, intensive inpatient (which is also referred to as residential treatment), partial hospitalization (PHP), and outpatient treatment. Each has a unique treatment structure, which will ultimately determine the time commitment and cost.
Further, each program has its strengths; some are more flexible while others offer rigid structure, others provide an immersive recovery experience, whereas another makes it easy to make treatment a part of their existing routine.
Knowing these details will be extremely helpful in the next step: choosing treatment facilities.
Research treatment facilities
There are over 17,000 addiction treatment facilities in the United States (your city alone might have dozens of options to choose from), so it’s a good idea to have several options available before broaching the subject of going to rehab with your spouse.
One reason this preparation is handy is that it’ll give you the opportunity to look for amenities, programs, or other perks that can make the idea of going to rehab more appealing. There are facilities centered around music, others around adventure and the outdoors, and others still specializing in animals. (We could go on and on.)
However, the main benefit of having multiple facility options is that if they agree to go to rehab, you won’t lose momentum by waiting the days, weeks, or months it can take to find a suitable program.
Get advice about how to approach them
Talking about addiction can be a touchy subject, no matter how close or loving your relationship. Maximize your odds of success by getting advice on how to broach the topic. The key is to seek advice from a reliable source who can help you have a productive conversation with your spouse.
One source can be your prospective addiction treatment center. They’re experts in working with people who aren’t always receptive to accepting help. It’s highly likely that their admissions team can provide professional guidance.
Another great resource is Al-Anon, a support group for those whose loved ones have a substance abuse disorder. There, you hear stories of others who initiated similar conversations and get pointers and other feedback so you can anticipate what type of resistance you might face. Find an Al-Anon meeting group near you today.
Speak with compassion
Once you’re ready to initiate the conversation, go into it with a mindset of compassion rather than confrontation. If you’re feeling upset or angry, hold off and have this talk another time. It’s too important a subject to risk lashing out because of your temper and potentially pushing them away.
Avoid using language that places blame (e.g., using sentences that begin with the word “you”) or involves negative labels like ‘junkie’ or ‘addict.’ Doing so will likely be counterproductive and only serve to make them defensive and resistant to your words.
Can I force my spouse to go to rehab?
If the situation is truly dire and you’ve exhausted all other options in trying to help your addicted spouse, there might be an option that can get your loved one into rehab despite their objections. It’s a process called civil commitment and can result in court-mandated addiction treatment.
The process first starts with an evaluation by a mental health professional. If your spouse is deemed to be a danger to others and themselves, a petition can then be submitted to the court. A hearing will then be held where a judge will determine whether involuntary enrollment in a treatment facility is the best course of action.
