Finding out your child—whether they’re a teenager or a young adult—is using drugs is a “heart-in-your-throat” moment. Your first instinct is probably a mix of panic, anger, and an overwhelming urge to fix it right now.
But here’s the reality: The high-pressure, “sit-down-and-listen” intervention you see in movies often backfires. It can feel like an ambush, causing your child to put up walls that are twice as high. That’s where the “Pocket Intervention” comes in. It’s about small, frequent, and low-pressure conversations that keep the door open rather than slamming it shut.
What is a Pocket Intervention?
Unlike a traditional intervention, a pocket intervention isn’t a one-time event with a circle of chairs and a professional interventionist. It’s a strategy you keep in your “back pocket” for everyday moments.
It’s the five-minute chat in the car on the way to practice, or a quick comment while washing dishes. The goal isn’t to get them to sign into rehab by the end of the sentence; it’s to plant seeds of concern, safety, and love without triggering their “fight or flight” response.
4 Tips to Talk Without Pushing Them Away
If you want to keep the conversation going, you have to change the frequency. Here is how to approach it:
- Ditch the Lecture, Use Curiosity: Instead of saying, “I know you’re high and it’s ruining your life,” try, “I’ve noticed you’ve been sleeping a lot more lately and seem a bit down. I’m worried about you—what’s been going on?” Curiosity invites them in; accusations shut them down.
- The “Car Talk” Strategy: Eye contact can be incredibly intense during a heavy conversation. Talking while driving or walking allows your child to process what you’re saying without feeling like they’re under a microscope.
- Focus on the “Why,” Not Just the “What”: Most kids don’t use drugs because they want to be “bad.” They use them to cope with anxiety, social pressure, or boredom. If you can address the feeling behind the use, you’re more likely to get an honest answer.
- Keep it Short: A pocket intervention should be brief. If the tension starts to rise, it’s okay to say, “I can see this is getting stressful. Let’s take a break and talk more later. Just know I love you.”
Boundaries vs. Barriers
One of the biggest fears parents have is that being “casual” means being “permissive.” That’s not the case. You can be the most loving, casual listener in the world while still having firm house rules.
- Barrier: “If I catch you with that again, you’re a failure and I’m done with you.” (This creates shame and isolation).
- Boundary: “I love you too much to watch you hurt yourself in this house. Because I care about your safety, we have a no-drug policy here. Let’s talk about how I can help you stick to that.”
The Pocket Script: Exactly What to Say in 3 Common Scenarios
Scenario 1: Finding a Vape or Marijuana
The Goal: Address the health risks and the “why” without making them feel like a criminal.
- The Opening: “Hey, I found this in your bag while I was moving your laundry. I’m not going to start shouting, but I am really concerned. Can we talk about what’s going on?”
- The Follow-up: “I know a lot of kids use these to deal with stress or just to fit in. Which one is it for you? Are you feeling pressured, or are you feeling anxious?”
- The Boundary: “I love you, and my job is to protect your lungs and your brain while they’re still developing. We have a no-vaping rule because I care about your health, not because I want to control you.”
Scenario 2: Finding Pills (Prescription or Unknown)
The Goal: High urgency, but high safety. You need to know if they are in immediate physical danger.
- The Opening: “I found some pills in your room, and to be honest, it scared me. I need you to be 100% honest with me right now so I know you’re safe: What are these, and have you taken any today?”
- The Follow-up: “I’m not looking to punish you right now; I’m looking to understand. Are you in pain, or were you looking for a way to ‘numb out’ for a while?”
- The Pivot to Help: “Pills are incredibly dangerous because we don’t always know what’s in them. I want to help you find a safer way to deal with whatever you’re going through. Let’s look at some professional support options together.”
Scenario 3: Coming Home Under the Influence
The Goal: Immediate safety first, conversation second. Do not try to have a deep talk while they are impaired.
- The Opening (Night Of): “I can see you’ve been drinking/using. We aren’t going to discuss this now because you aren’t in a headspace to talk. Go to bed, stay safe, and we’ll talk first thing in the morning.”
- The Opening (The Next Morning): “Last night was scary for me. You weren’t yourself, and you weren’t safe. I need to understand what led to that decision.”
- The Follow-up: “Is this a one-time mistake, or is this becoming a habit you feel like you can’t stop? I’m here to help you, but I need the truth.”
3 Phrases to Use When Things Get Heated
If your child starts to yell or shut down, use these “Exit Phrases” to keep the relationship intact for the next Pocket Intervention:
- “I can see you’re getting angry, and I don’t want us to say things we regret. Let’s take a 20-minute break and try again.”
- “I’m asking these questions because I love you, not because I’m trying to catch you in a lie.”
- “You don’t have to have all the answers right now, but I need you to know that I’m on your team, no matter what.”
When to Seek Professional Support
A pocket intervention is a powerful tool for maintaining a relationship, but it isn’t a substitute for medical treatment. If you notice signs of physical dependency, a total shift in personality, or dangerous behavior, it’s time to call in the experts.
At findrecovery.com, we believe that the best way to help your child is to stay connected to them. By using small, frequent “pocket interventions,” you ensure that when they are ready to ask for help, you are the first person they turn to.
