All types of relationships, be they friendly, romantic, or familial, are strained when addiction is involved. Despite their differences, the harmful patterns disrupting these relationships are very similar. Recognizing common addictive behaviors in relationships can help cope with a loved one’s substance abuse and protect your well-being. Here’s what you should know.
5 Common Addict Behaviors in Relationships
Drug or alcohol addiction involves selfish, self-centered behavior. The addict may manipulate, verbally abuse, or gaslight their partner to get what they want, often leaving the loved one feeling trapped or pressured to accommodate the addiction. These are the most typical addict behaviors in relationships.
1. Codependency
In an addict’s relationship, codependency affects both parties. The addict becomes reliant on you, viewing you as their caregiver. You may become dependent on them, needing to care for them, leading to a loss of self-worth and identity.
This dependence gives the addict the illusion that they don’t need help beyond your care. If you try to leave this caretaker role, the addict may react aggressively. Becoming a never-ending vicious cycle.
2. Controlling Behavior
An addict’s life is chaotic, with their addiction and other life aspects out of control. They may try to control yours, dictating where you go, what you do, and who you’re with. This behavior can turn violent and abusive in relationships.
3. Dishonesty
Your partner might not initially disclose their addiction due to guilt or fear. They may lie about their daily activities, eventually resorting to making excuses about their whereabouts as the addiction escalates.
4. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a psychological abuse tactic where the addict distorts your reality to continue their behavior. You may take time to recognize that your partner is gaslighting, as they’ll insist that they don’t need help, making you question your perceptions.
5. Manipulation
Manipulation often starts subtly, with the addict being excessively nice when making a request. They resort to begging, arguing, self-pity, or threats if questioned or denied. You can protect yourself from their unhealthy demands by identifying these manipulation attempts.
Other Signs of Addiction in Relationships
Drug or alcohol abuse can emotionally alter your partner, causing them to become distant or indifferent. Aggressive behavior towards you is not your fault. Other signs of addiction in a relationship include:
- Isolation: Addicts may avoid family, friends, and romantic partners due to shame or guilt or to hide their addiction.
- Obsession: Addicts might obsess over their partners or enablers, focusing on them more than themselves.
- Poor Communication: Mood swings can obstruct communication, making conversations fraught with aggression.
- Unhealthy Habits: Neglecting self-care and their partner’s needs while prioritizing drug use can erode the relationship.
Dealing with Addiction in Your Relationship
Seeing a loved one act aggressively and unpredictably due to addiction can be distressing. Here are some tips to help you:
- Seek Help: Support groups for loved ones of addicts can provide much-needed understanding and reduce feelings of isolation.
- Avoid Confrontation: Don’t argue with the addict while they’re using to prevent escalating tensions and potential violence.
- Stay Calm: Try to remain objective and calm during confrontations. Identify manipulative tactics and think before responding.
- Prioritize Your Mental Health: Focus on self-care and consider speaking with a therapist.
- Show Support: If your partner starts recovery, be supportive and actively involved in their journey.
Setting Boundaries and Practicing Self-Care
Navigating a relationship with an addict can be stressful and emotionally draining. Prioritizing self-care and establishing firm boundaries is vital for maintaining your mental health and preventing enabling behaviors.
Setting Boundaries
Clear boundaries can help establish a healthier dynamic in your relationship. These could be related to finances, behaviors, responsibilities, or other aspects of your shared life.
Make it clear that you will not support their addictive behaviors, like providing money for substances or covering up their mistakes. These boundaries should be communicated openly, respectfully, and firmly, keeping in mind that they are set to protect both you and your loved one.
Understanding Detachment
It’s important to understand the concept of emotional detachment. Detachment doesn’t mean you stop caring about the person; instead, it’s about separating your emotional well-being from the chaos that addiction can cause.
It’s recognizing that you can’t control or cure your loved one’s addiction – they need to face themselves.
Prioritizing Self-Care
Amid the turmoil, it’s easy to forget about your needs. However, remember that self-care is not a luxury but a necessity. This can involve physical activities like regular exercise, a balanced diet, and enough sleep, as well as mental health practices like meditation, relaxation techniques, or engaging in hobbies and activities you enjoy.
Keeping a support system and sharing your feelings with trusted friends, family, or support groups can also be highly beneficial.
Stay Positive
Remember, helping your loved one doesn’t mean neglecting your well-being. By practicing self-care and setting boundaries, you’re helping yourself and creating an environment that could encourage your loved one to seek help.
If your loved one has a substance use disorder, don’t hesitate to seek help. If your safety is in immediate danger, call 911. Addiction affects people of all backgrounds, and there’s no shame in seeking help.
