Science has proven that having friendships in recovery can have major benefits for recovery. Support networks provide motivation and all-important accountability, which have been shown to significantly decrease the odds of relapse and increase overall recovery success.
That said, achieving this supportive friend group isn’t always easy.
Many who come home after rehab find that those close to them may resist the idea of their new sober selves, especially if these were people that a recovered person used to cavort with when doing their drug of choice. In these instances, it’s best to ditch your toxic, unsupportive old friends and find a new tribe of like-minded people who respect your new lifestyle and will support you in upholding it–here’s how to do just that.
How to ditch unsupportive friends and cut ties
When it comes to friendships, especially for a person who’s newly sober, you want quality over quantity. It’s better to have few or no friends than to be surrounded by bad ones that don’t support your sober lifestyle. These are the “friends” that urge you to resume your old ways, scoff and belittle your attempts to better yourself, or continue to drink or use drugs around you. These individuals will actively hinder your progress and lead you to relapse.
Even if your old friends aren’t actively deterring your progress, there’s still a strong chance they’ll keep you anchored to your previous not-so-great way of life. Addiction and cravings are strongly tied to memories. If you’re hanging out with the same people or in the same places, it becomes harder to distance yourself from your old ways.
There’s no one right way to cut ties. If you feel inclined, you can let them know you’ll be stepping back in order to focus on yourself and your recovery — though they’re invited to stick around if they’ll be supportive. If the relationship is highly toxic, it might just be best to ghost them entirely without a formal farewell.
Finding a new friend group
First, what not to do. At least in the beginning, steer clear of places where you know people are dealing or using drugs like nightclubs and bars. For the best odds of success, put yourself in the mindset of a person who’s already sober and stable. Where do they hang out? What hobbies do they have?
Apps, video chats, and social media have made it easier than ever to connect with others and find highly specific communities. There are plenty of events and resources dedicated to sobriety and recovery communities, and finding them is as easy as a quick search on your phone. Here are a few ways to find your people:
Follow sober social media accounts
There are lots of accounts dedicated to recovery content–some funny, some uplifting. Whatever you’re looking for, you’ll feel comforted seeing their mass of millions of followers and know that you’re far from alone in your journey. Want to connect with people one on one? Create an account on recovery-exclusive communities like Sober Grid, which is like Facebook and Snapchat combined, but a platform dedicated to those recovering from addiction.
Take a workout class
If you’re looking to expand your circle beyond people who are sober or in recovery but who are likely to uphold similar values to your new lifestyle, fitness classes are a great place to look. These are people who are (at least somewhat) committed to being healthy and likely to be very understanding of your drug-free ways. Bonus, you’ll also get a workout buddy!
Volunteer
If you’re looking to surround yourself with upstanding people, joining others with a desire to give back to the community is a sure bet. Here you’ll find people with compassion and patience who are sure to be super supportive in your recovery journey.
Keep in touch with your treatment facility
Graduation from rehab doesn’t have to mark the end of your relationship with the professionals and clinicians who care about you. Odds are, your facility has an alumni program that regularly hosts events and other gatherings that allow you to either meet other graduates or those who are still in treatment. Either way, it’s a guaranteed place to find your peers without the burden of you having to initiate the first move.
Join a 12-Step group
Whether it’s Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Dual Diagnosis Anonymous, or any of the many other peer-based support groups, attending a meeting is a very low-stakes way to meet others who are in recovery. These groups are host to people in various stages of recovery (including those who have yet to begin), which could be beneficial for you, giving you a glimpse of how far you’ve already come as well as a peek into what success looks like.
